Week Four

Well, it looks like chaos has set in on the universe. . .the Natural Order has been upset and Laurie is in SECOND place! The end is near, make your peace. . .

Here is this weeks waiver priority:

10 Fumblers 0-3-0 .000 133.98 L-3
9 Bleed Blue 1-2-0 .333 125.65 L-1
8 liusers 1-2-0 .333 148.40 L-2
7 The Cough Drops 1-2-0 .333 153.87 W-1
6 flying pigskins 1-2-0 .333 188.93 W-1
5 Football Team 2-1-0 .667 187.21 L-1
4 Sleepas 2-1-0 .667 200.73 W-2
3 Stews Crew 2 2-1-0 .667 212.40 W-1
2 Kitna Kaboodle 2-1-0 .667 258.13 L-1
1 Grant Gophirs 3-0-0 1.000 240.93 W-3

Around the league:

Priest Holmes has another strong outing, keying the Gophirs (3-0-0) over the Football Team (2-1-0). Although it is much too early to start naming MVP candidates, the Gophirs coach did comment, "If it weren't for Priest, we would need a priest." Rod Smith, Football Team's WR, was ejected from the game for slugging an official and was seen icing his hand after the game, "Hey, look, I didn't MEAN to hit the ref. . .he was just in the follow through after I missed."

Stew's Crew 2 (2-1-0) makes waves with its shellacking of the then top ranked Kaboodles (2-1-0) with a standout defensive performance and kicking game. Peyton Manning, the Crew's QB, said in a post game interview, "I don't think that anybody in the league gave us a chance with the team that we were given and especially after week one. But coach made some smart moves--adjusted the defensive sets some and lettin' me call more plays at the line. I think everybody is fired up right now." Sounds like out Gophirs need to watch out, the Crew has a chip on its shoulder and is gunning for first.

The Sleepas (2-1-0) gun down the liusers (1-2-0), who lack a running game. Said the Sleepas wideout, Peerless Price, "Lahk shootin' fish in a barrel." It was a costly victory for the Sleepas as slumping back, Marshall Faulk, is expected to miss four to six weeks with a broken hand. Said fellow backfield mate Jamal Lewis, "Looks like I'll just have to run 400 yards next week." He also cracked, "I predict I will get most of the carries next week." Coach Liu of the hapless liusers lamented, "Our running game sucks. Our wide passing game sucks. The defense sucks. The kicker sucks." The liusers outspoken receiver, Keyshawn Johnson, took exception to his coach's remarks and stated, "Hey, look, Keyshawn cain't win no ball game if Keyshawn doan have th' farkin' ball. GIMMIE THE BALL." Looks like the liusers will have to work hard to keep the season, and team chemistry, from sliding down the tubes.

Without any semblance of a running game, the pigskins (1-2-0) finally get off the snide at the cost of Bleed Blue (1-2-0) who got lackluster performances from Rich Gannon and it's defense. Gannon was seen yelling at the defensive coordinator, "IT'S LIKE THE DEFENSE AIN'T THERE". In a strange tale, the Blue's kicker, David Akers, was AWOL to the game. It was later reported that Akers was booked for drunken disorderly conduct, misdemeanor assault and misdemeanor vandalism at the county jail for having assaulted several shoppers the night before at a local Sears. The kicker was also implicated in tearing off antenna balls from cars in the parking lot of the supermarket and resisting arrest with mall security. He was bailed out Sunday afternoon after the game.

And in the battle for last place, the luckless Fumblers (0-3-0) and the Cough Drops (1-2-0), both winless going into this week had some consolation knowing that somebody had to win. The Cough Drops showed that they still have life. "Hey, anything can happen in the playoffs" said the Cough Drops coach, Dan Len. The Fumbler's team closed its doors to post game interviews and nobody could be reached for comment. The Commissioner's Office is looking into fines for this action.

It appears that there is no J.J. this week, although J.J. himself checked in with a stellar 1.85 point performance.