Shark Tank Football - Week 6 - Sponsored by The Apprentice

It was a topsy turvy week in the Shark Tank where many of the underdogs emerged victorious. But the big news: real estate mogul and star of the runaway hit, The Apprentice, Donald J. Trump, has acquired the Shark Tank Fantasy Football League. As a result, each week, a player must be fired. Trump assisted the losing coaches in their personnel decisions to trim the fat that may be bringing down their losing teams.

unDaunted 135.41 - Err McNair 70.13

Behind Daunte Culpepper's 425 yards and five touchdowns, Laurie Len's unDaunted (2-4) resoundingly routed husband Dan's Err McNair (1-5). Trump greeted both teams and their coaches in the boardroom in the new TRUMP Shark Tank Tower.

In the Shark Tank boardroom:

Trump: Well, how did they do?

Laurie: "Daunte just played great. Even after Randy [Moss] got hurt, he was able to keep his focus and showed why he's the MVP. Rueben [Droughns] stepped it up with 176 yards and a touchdown when other guys struggled and went down. The defense got us 20 points; good job all around.

Trump: And Dan?

Dan: We didn't do quite as well.

Trump: Yeah, you guys got killed. To unDaunted, as a reward, I will treat you to an all-expenses paid trip to Lahaina where you can enjoy all the Hawaiian food you can eat along with some of the most beautiful beaches and women in the world. You can go diving, surfing, and be treated like royalty. There you will be able to speak with a good friend of mine and one of the best leaders ever, King Kamehameha, where he will talk to you guys about leadership and tell you about the Law of the Splintered Paddle. He treats everyone well, especially peons like yourselves, and I want you to learn from him things that you can use if and when you run one of my companies.

Culpepper: Umm, Mr. Trump, hasn't he been dead for almost 200 years?

Trump: So what. You can visit his grave and channel his spirit or something.

Moss: Umm… no one knows where he's buried. It's a great mystery.

Trump: Whatever. You can talk to one of his great-great-great-great-great grandchildren. They're around, usually dressed up in regal traditional outfits. But you will have a great time. For you Err McNair guys, it's back to the boardroom where someone… will … be… fired."

Minutes later, back in the boardroom:

Trump: You guys are getting pounded. This is four straight losses. This is pathetic. Steve [McNair], you're the leader, quarterback, and being the guy your team is named for, the perpetual project manager. Who do you think is the most responsible for failing this task?

McNair: Coach, I think it's clear that my leadership wasn't the problem. None of our receivers did anything. Chad [Johnson] ran his mouth and didn't back it up. Javon [Walker] was mediocre. The tight end was awful.

Dan: But Steve, you threw four picks. That's not good.

McNair: No, Coach, it's not. But we didn't lose because of the four picks. Even if I didn't throw any, we still would've lost.

Dan: True, but it didn't help.

Trump: You guys got absolutely slaughtered. Okay. Clinton [Portis], you finally had a good day. If it weren't for your big contract, you may have been fired a long time ago. But you did well this week with your 171 yards. Who do you think failed?

Portis: Coach, I have to say Chad. He sent Pepto-Bismol to unDaunted's defensive backs because he thought they would be sick after trying to cover him. And look what they did. They put up 20 points against us. You can't have guys on your team that talk and do stuff like that and not back it up.

Dan: He sent what??? I had no idea. That's not very sportsmanlike.

Trump: But that's pretty funny. But Chad, if you try to do stuff like that, you have to play better.

Johnson: I know, Coach, Mr. Trump. But it was for a worthy cause, for breast cancer.

Trump: There is no worthier cause then money, victory and prime real estate in Manhattan that is developed into a multiuse complex, except for using the powers of eminent domain to build beautiful golf courses, even if the 18th hole is falling into the ocean. So, the heck with your worthy causes.

Dan: Umm, Mr. Trump, it is a worthy cause and I like the fact that you, Chad, are trying to do good things. But you could've just done the Revlon Run-Walk or given money on your own without the Pepto. And you dropped two big passes this week. That's not acceptable.

Johnson: I know, I take responsibility.

Trump: All right, but I do like you, Chad. I think you're outstanding but you blew this one. Okay, quickly, Steve, who should be fired?

McNair: Chad.

Dan: Clinton?

Portis: Well, if you asked me who performed poorest on this task…

Trump: Cut the garbage. Who should be fired?

Portis: I think Chad.

Trump: Josh [Brown]? Ah, who cares what you think, you're a kicker. Chad?

Johnson: Well, Stephen [Davis] only had 76 total yards. I think he should go. He was a much higher draft pick than I was and he keeps getting hurt.

Trump: Basically, I want to fire all of you after last week but I can't do that. But Chad, you ran your mouth. You sent them bottles of Pepto. And you gave ME indigestion. Chad, you're fired.

Johnson: You can't fire me. Coach needs me.

Dan: He's right, Mr. Trump.

Trump: All right, you're benched. But if you're good this week, I'll give you another chance.

Johnson: I won't let you down, Coach, Mr. Trump.

Trump: We'll see. Now get out of here, all of you. You guys make me sick.

Just Stew It 100.79 - THE JUNGERNAUT 47.78

In a battle of 4-1 teams, Just Stew It obliterated the highly touted JUNGERNAUT to move to 5-1 and sole possession of first place in the Shark Tank. THE JUNGERNAUT fell to 4-2. Once again, the teams invited Trump into the boardroom to address the teams.

Trump: Both of your teams are doing really well. I've been pretty impressed. Like my pink tie?

All: Yes, Mr. Trump. Your hair looks nice, too.

Trump: I know. Stewart, I'm very happy with your team's effort so far this year. I think those guys can take you far.

Stewart: Yes, Mr. Trump. We've got a classy, talented group of guys, especially our running backs. Corey [Dillon] has shown he can play for a winner with two touchdowns and 105 yards. Fred [Taylor] showed he's no fraud with 137 total yards and a score. And Shaun [Alexander] scored again and had over 100 yards. I think we have the best group of running backs in the league. And for you, Mr. Trump, nothing but the best.

Trump: I do, Stewart, I do like the best. But despite that, I recommend getting a pre-nup.

Stewart: What?

Trump: Oh, I thought you were talking about something else. But yes, good job. As a reward, your team, based on your team name, would probably want to meet a good friend of mine and excellent business man, Phil Knight. He's up in Oregon and of course, he's the head of Nike. Phil will hook you up with all the sneakers, equipment and throwback jerseys your team would ever want. He will make P. Diddy's wardrobe look like a baglady's. They will take care of you. And after that, you will each be treated to a beautiful dinner with Phil and some of Nike's top athletes including Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong.

Brady: Will Elin [Nordegren] be there?

Trump: I don't think so. She's been detained by the Coast Guard. But I don't think she did anything wrong. I think they just wanted to detain her for, you know, because she's almost as hot as my wife. But you will have a great time up there. Just Stew It: enjoy yourselves. As for THE JUNGERNAUT, it's back to the boardroom where someone will be fired.

Later in the boardroom…

Trump: Donovan [McNabb], your team appointed you leader after your great season so far. But you didn't throw any touchdowns today. What happened?

McNabb: Mr. Trump, the problem falls not on me because this team wouldn't have been 4-1 without me. I didn't play my best game but I shouldn't take the responsibility for one bad week.

Trump: Donovan, with all due respect, I couldn't disagree more. No one at TRUMP has a bad day, let alone a bad week.

George Ross: Yes, Donovan. If you have one bad week, you will cost Mr. Trump millions, if not billions, if not jillions of dollars!

Trump: Donovan, George is right. One mistake is one mistake too many. We only accept perfection here. Look at me. I've never made any mistakes.

McNabb: Well, actually, Mr. Trump, what about those casinos and …

Trump: Those weren't my fault. Besides, bankruptcy cleans up everything so it's not technically mistake. But you can't erase this loss from your team's records. There's no Chapter 11 for the Shark Tank. If a shark eats you, you can't undo it.

Byron: That being said, Donovan has had a great year, Mr. Trump.

Trump: Well, Byron, as my trusty loyal sidekick, though you're not as fetching as Carolyn, you're right. Besides Donovan, you've built up so many immunities that we couldn't fire you anyway. LT [LaDainian Tomlinson], you've been just as good as Donovan. Who do you think messed up the worst?

Tomlinson: Well, it's hard to say. I mean, these guys are my teammates and my friends. I can't just diss them.

Byron: Yes, yes. You can, actually. So who stunk?

Tomlinson: Well, the receivers all stunk. Antonio [Bryant], Rod [Smith] and Reggie [Williams] combined for 68 yards. That's the reason we lost.

Trump: That is truly pathetic. What happened, Rod? You're the wily veteran.

Smith: Well, sir, as you know, receivers can't catch the ball unless the quarterback makes good passes.

McNabb: I can't throw it to you guys if you can't get open.

Bryant: We were open. But what we had here was a failure in leadership and poor decision making. That falls back on the project manager, I mean, quarterback. Besides, Jake [Plummer] would've been a much better PM. He had 22+ points. Donovan only had four. Donovan is why we lost.

Trump: Warwick [Dunn], you've been awfully quiet. Maybe you should be since you only had 13 yards.

Dunn: Not my best game, sir. But Donovan didn't have the horses this week. The receivers are to blame.

Trump: Who gets most of the blame, Warwick?

Dunn: That's Warrick, sir. And I'd say Reggie.

Byron: We can't fire Reggie, Warrick, he's a rookie. He's perpetually immune until we find a better one.

Trump: Well, it seems pretty divided. Donovan, you can choose to take two or three others back to the boardroom with you. How many do you want to bring back?

Donovan: Three.

Trump: Whoa, everyone else has only taken two back. I never understood that. All right, who will it be?

Donovan: Reggie, Rod and Antonio.

Trump: All right. LT, Domanick, David G., Warwick…

Dunn: That's Warrick with an "R", sir.

Trump: Whatever, Warwick. Freddie, Jake, Amani, Tony, Joey, David A., Martin, and defense, back to the locker room. Donovan, Antonio, Rod and Reggie: it's back to the boardroom where one of you will be fired.

[Exeunt except for Byron, George R. and Trump]

Trump: What do you guys think?

George: They all failed. No one's ever any good. None of them are good enough for you Mr. Trump.

Trump: I know but I have to hire somebody. What do you think, Byron?

Byron: Well, I… I… I… think Antonio. Donovan is too good and Reggie has that rookie status working for him.

Trump: All right, we'll see. Robin, send them in.

[Back outside...]

Robin: Mr. Trump will see you now.

Bryant: Robin, do you do anything else for your job?

Robin: Mr. Trump will see you now.

Williams: Robin, can you say anything else?

Robin: Mr. Trump will see you now.

Smith: Robin? What's the weather like outside?

Robin: Mr. Trump will see you now.

Back in the boardroom:

Trump: Okay. Donovan, you've made your case and I think you're terrific. And I love Campbell Chunky soup. But honestly Donovan, your mom is a much more convincing pitchman than you. Actually, that's probably an actress and not your real mom.

Donovan: Thanks, Mr. Trump, but actually, that is my real mom.

Trump: Whatever. Sirloin Burger is good stuff. So, receivers, you all were so bad I don't want to hear what you guys have to say. Rod, you're great but you're old. I'm all about finding good people at the right price. You're not as productive as you once were and I can probably do better with younger guys. Antonio, you stink. Reggie, you're young, talented and cheap. That's the triple crown for human resources. It doesn't get much better than that. So I have to say, Antonio, you're fired.

Bryant: I'll be back.

Trump: We'll see. Your coach is a nice guy. I usually don't want nice guys but he may spare you. But my decision is final.

Players exit the boardroom.

Trump [to George and Byron]: I feel good about it.

Blue Power 84.50 - FreeJamal 63.35

A shorthanded FreeJamal (4-2) fell out of a first-place tie due to Blue Power's (3-3) balanced attack. Considering the absence of Blue Power's Peyton Manning and the two teams' recent results, Willie Wang was happy with his team's performance and Brent Liu's team had to go to the boardroom to face the Donald.

Trump's Soliloquy: Stepping Up

Trump: You need team players that are willing to sacrifice their own glory for the betterment of the team. You need it in business and you need it in sports. You have to have faith in your teammates, co-workers, project-mates. If you don't trust them, it's going to cause divisiveness and lead to poor performance. And when the leader is out of action for whatever reason, hopefully that leader would have instilled enough leadership into his team so that they can carry on and be successful without him.

On the phone: Bill, you stink. I can't believe I hired you. You spent all your time writing a book instead of working on that TRUMP Tower in Chicago. Now shut up, stop doing book signings and get back to work. Remember, you only have a one-year contract. I can still fire you. Now be a leader. And don't wear reddish-pink ties. That's me, not you. Stop trying to be me. You're still only an apprentice. If you screw up again, I will personally throw you off the Sears Tower like that Visa Check Card that flew out of my hand. And I won't be digging you out of the dumpster. And I sold that card for $1,425 on eBay.

In the boardroom:

Trump: Wow. I'm really impressed with Team Blue Power. You guys did a great job.

Blue Power: Thanks, Mr. Trump.

Trump: I don't even know if I could've done better given the circumstances. Willie, any words for your team?

Willie: I didn't expect to win this week without Peyton but it's important to be developing new leaders and it's great to see these guys kick it up a couple notches.

Trump: BAM! Oh, sorry, Emeril Lagasse is a great friend of mine. Everyone that's anyone is a great friend of mine. And sorry, when you said "kick it up a couple notches", it just reminded me of him. So as your reward, you guys will get an all-expenses paid trip to New Orleans. You may have heard of the French Quarter down there? Well, there's the TRUMP Half. It's right on the Mississippi. It features the finest restaurants in New Orleans and Emeril Lagasse will personally prepare you a 50-course authentic Cajun meal. You will eat the whole thing. Then there's the TRUMP Riverboat that's right on the Mississippi where you guys can enjoy fireworks and the best entertainment allowed by Civil Law. Finally, there's the TRUMP Mardi Gras where every day is Fat Tuesday. You will have a good time and enjoy it. But I know with you football players, you have to be careful of any questionable characters out there. For FreeJamal, it's back to the boardroom where one of you will be fired.

Back in the boardroom:

Trump: You guys have been doing so well this season but that was a pitiful effort this week. You let a shorthanded inferior team spank you around the field. Brett [Favre] was his usual MVP self with 257 yards and two touchdowns and Priest [Holmes] had 122 total yards and a touchdown. But nobody else did anything. Brett Favre is always immune because he's Brett Favre according to my good friend John Madden. So I'll look to Priest. Who failed on this task?

Holmes: Well, Mr. Trump, I have to look at Quentin [Griffin]. He started out really good but he's been exposed. And hurt. He had only 16 yards yesterday. That's 16 yards more than a dead guy. He has too many weaknesses and his continued presence in the lineup has hurt our team.

Trump: Quentin, what do you have to say to that?

Griffin: Well, Mr. Trump, I kept this team afloat early in the year. But look at Darius Watts, he didn't do anything either.

Brent: But he's a rookie. You're not. And I looked for you to come up big with Jamal out. And all you do is lay eggs. All zeroes. And you lost your starting job to some journey man named Droughns.

Griffin: Let me explain. I could produce if I get the chance. But The Man isn't letting me.

Trump: Are you talkin' to me?

Griffin: No, no, sir. I just meant, you know, The Man. Whoever The Man is.

Trump: Jamal, I hope you're enjoying your involuntary vacation and got a good look at the game. Who should be fired?

Lewis: Quentin hasn't done jack the last two weeks. We're gonna be good when me and Anquan [Boldin come back in a few weeks. Antonio [Gates] has been awesome. But it's obvious whose been the weakest link.

Brent: Quentin, you've stunk the last two weeks. I can't even put you in the game anymore.

Trump: Quentin, you have outlived your usefulness. I respect the opinion of my minions such as Dr. Liu. Here at TRUMP, we can't have people that have exhausted their utility run one of my companies. I need people that can produce and when an old guy like Emmitt Smith starts outproducing you, it's time to say: "You ARE the weakest link, goodbye." I mean, you're fired. Now all of you, get out.

[After everyone leaves...]

Trump: That was a harder decision than I initially thought.

Brent: He just had to go. That was NOT a great pick.

Ophir Gophirs 62.06 - Shazaam! 50.13

The Gophirs (2-4) pulled off the shocker of the week as the second-lowest scoring team in the Shark Tank upended to top scoring team in Shazaam! (3-3).

Mr. Trump was none too pleased with performance of Shazaam! as evidenced after the game in the boardroom…

Trump: Carolyn, how did they do?

Carolyn: Well, the Gophirs did quite well. They scored 62.06 points this week.

Trump: Well? That's not that great. George, how did Shazaam! fare?

George: They scored 50.13 points. So the Gophirs won by 11.93 points.

Trump: Wow, I'm stunned. Well, both of your teams performed poorly because I guess we we're in a situation where it was unfortunate that somebody had to win. But for the Ophir Gophirs, congratulations. Rob, do you have any thoughts for your team?

Rob: It came down to two guys: Trent [Green] and Deuce [McAllister]. Trent threw for 315 yards and two touchdowns. Deuce came back from injury and scored twice. Ashley [Lelie] came up with a big touchdown catch. We've needed this for several weeks. And we picked up Jeff [Garcia] this week and he's ready to contribute.

Trump: Good work. As your reward for your Week 6 victory, I want to reward especially the coach for doing a nice job. Since you are saddled with three kids and they have become your unofficial team's mascots, I wanted to reward everyone with a trip to Orlando where you can all experience Disney World. Everyone can bring their families. And for some of the adults, I will have my great friend Arnold Palmer give you all free golf lessons at his course at Bay Hill. It's a championship course where the greatest players in world play every year in mid-March. It's not as good as Trump National but it's close. You will each play a round of golf on me. After that, I will treat you to a dinner where my good friend Michael Eisner, CEO of Disney, will talk to your team about leadership and how to run a company.

Green: But Mr. Eisner is not really a great leader anymore. I mean, everyone seems to hate him and want him out. I mean, Walt's nephew, Roy, quit because Eisner wouldn't leave.

Trump: So he's a little embattled, Trent. That's what makes him a great leader.

Eddie George: But no one goes to Disneyland or watches ABC anymore. Pixar wants to bail on them. That sounds to me like a failure in leadership.

Trump: Nonsense. Can you imagine the severance package Eisner is going to get after giving Michael Ovitz that doozy? $140 million! That takes leadership. You will learn something, have fun, and have a great time. For Shazaam!, it's back to the boardroom where someone will be fired.

Back in the boardroom…

Trump: Shazaam!, that was not good. Aaron, what do you have to say about your team's performance?

Aaron: That was terrible. Stinkin' Chris Brown getting hurt and Edgerrin James and Reggie Wayne taking the week off. And Donald [Driver] had two touchdowns on the bench.

Trump: Yeah, the bye week for some of your players really hurt you. But good teams need to be able to overcome adversity and obstacles. Marshall [Faulk], what happened?

Faulk: I was too busy doing United Way commercials to notice. But Bubba [Franks] pulled off his usual show up one week, take off three weeks performance. Our defense was awful. All of the stupid Miami Hurricanes were too busy blowing smoke after being #2 in the BCS. They didn't have focus on the game. At least being from San Diego State, we never have to worry about that. I mean, we lost to UCLA.

Trump: So who should go?

Faulk: I say the defense.

Trump: All right. David [Carr], you're the quarterback. You're not from Miami. Who failed?

Carr: I'm sick of all those Miami guys forming cliques. It's causing division and cattiness.

Carolyn: Wait. You guys … are catty? What are you, a bunch of girls?

Carr: See, those Hurricanes keep hanging out with each other and think they're all better than everyone else. They refuse to hang out with us after games and it hurts their performance on Sundays. We need to have more team chemistry.

Trump: Interesting. Cliques are okay but not to the point of divisiveness. What do you have to say about that, Edge?

James: Look, all of us from the U are brothers. We can't be separated. It would be like asking us to split our families. That ain't cool.

George: Look guys. I admire the fact that you like being around each other. But what you punks need to realize is that you can't have that type of exclusiveness when it comes to running one of Mr. Trump's companies. You need to include everyone and help people. It was this very reason you failed the task. If it were just one of you, then it would be easy to pinpoint. But Mr. Trump can't fire all four of you at the same time even if I'd recommend that to him.

Wayne: If you fire us all, we will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.

Trump: All right, Obi-Wan Miami. Bubba, you've been singled out, who do you think should be fired?

Franks: The defense is terrible. We're scoring enough points but we're giving way too many up. That's why we're only 3-3.

Trump: Jerome [Bettis], what do you think? All you do is score touchdowns on short goal-line runs. You have a pretty easy job.

Bettis: But I do get the job done. Unlike Bubba.

Trump: Well, I'm going to fire Bubba. He's a tight end and he can be spectacular though he's inconsistent. Ernest [Wilford], you're sitting rather quietly over there. What do you have to say about yourself. 22 yards ain't that hot.

Ernest: Mr. Trump, the team wouldn't throw me the ball.

Trump: That's because you're a lowly rookie. Why don't you assert yourself more instead of waiting to be called on? That's what leaders and go-getters do.

Ernest: Well, sir, I'm a rookie. Last time I spoke up, they hung me on the goal post by my jock strap. I really don't want to go through that again. I'd almost rather get fired.

Trump: Look, Ernest. You've got talent. But you are a rookie. And you're not even the best rookie on the team. Roy [Williams] has been terrific and outstanding. He's not only scored four touchdowns and though he was injured, he only had 22 fewer yards than you. And he's coaching the #1 basketball team in the country…

Ernest: Actually, Mr. Trump, that's a different Roy Williams.

Carolyn: Why do you have to keep interrupting Mr. Trump, rook? Shut up.

Trump: Yes, shut up. Thank you, Carolyn. Anyway, you're terrible. You don't assert yourself and you don't know your place in authority. Great leaders are made, not born. And you need to bide your time. This is not the time to rock the boat and upset your teammates who are much more experienced than you. And since they have Roy, they don't need you. So this is easy. Ernest, you're fired. And go hang him on the goal posts again for old time's sake. Rookie, I hope you've learned your lesson.

This Team Stinks 96.20 - Tiki Torry Terrell 91.99

From the dead, This Team Stinks (2-4) pulled off the upset of the week as the last place team knocked off the formerly first place Tiki Torry Terrell (4-2). The Donald was quite surprised at the result.

In the boardroom…

Trump: I can't believe it. First, the Berlin Wall, next, the fall of the Soviet Union, and now, This Team Stinks winning a game. What's next? The Red Sox beating the Yankees?

Elijah: Our team surprised even me. I pretty much left them for dead.

Trump: But you stuck with them. And great job by some of your guys.

Elijah: Yeah, Michael [Vick] finally showed up. Andre [Davis] caught only one pass but it went for a 99-yard touchdown. Ahman [Green] even threw a touchdown pass. Who knew he was left-handed? Lee [Suggs] had 100 yards receiving and the defense even scored. This is just one of the weeks where everything that needed to go right did and we pulled it out.

Trump: Yes, I'm quite impressed. What about your team, Kal?

Kal: Well, Torry "Big Play" Holt almost single-handedly erased a 25-point deficit. Mewelde [Moore] had another strong game and Aaron [Brooks] also put up some nice numbers. But we had some problems.

Trump: Yes, I can see that. Well, as a reward for This Team Stinks, I know you guys really like baseball. So I'm going to hook you up with Yankees and Red Sox tickets for Games 6 and 7 of the ALCS. That's much better than what those kids that found those 70 Yankees tickets on the street got. They're going to a stupid Nets game. Who the heck cares about the Nets?

Elijah: That's great, Mr. Trump.

Trump: But wait! There's more! Ahem. Anyway, after the games, I will take your team to one of the most exclusive clubs in Manhattan and Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez are regulars. Paris Hilton also visits with her dog. That dog is a great leader in training and Paris has a best-selling book.

Elijah: Paris Hilton is somewhat repulsive to me. Who wants to live like an heiress? I don't think any of our guys care…

Trump: But I'm sure you will enjoy taking batting practice at Yankee Stadium with my good friend Derek Jeter. Only the clutchest player in baseball history. The best player on the best team. He's the best.

Elijah: Umm… with all due respect, Mr. Trump, Jeter is nice but he's not A-Rod, Sheffield or Rivera. He's just better looking.

Trump: You will meet Jeter, the Captain of the Yankees, and he will share with you the success that has led him to four rings. He is the Lord of the Rings.

Elijah: You realize he hasn't won a ring in four years. I refuse the dinner with Jeter. But we'll do everything else. Maybe some of the wives on our team will want to get his autograph but I don't care.

Trump: You're an idiot, Elijah. You can't refuse one of my rewards. What a stupid decision. Why would you want to give that up? For that reason, I will strip your team of its immunity this week. Kalvin, your team will get the reward and Elijah, someone on your team, because of your foolish decision, will be fired.

Tiki [Barber]: Thanks, Mr. Trump. Jeter is the ultimate winner, someone that we all want to strive to be.

Back in the boardroom:

Trump: So even though you guys won, you lost and you're back in the boardroom. What do you guys have to say about that.

Vick: It's obvious we have a failure of leadership. We saw that for the last month.

Trump: As much as I want to fire Elijah, I can't. He has a no-fire clause in his contract. I already fired the idiotic lawyer that put that in his contract. But out of the rest of you, who do you think should go Mike?

Vick: Well, Jerry [Porter] put up negative points this week. Kerry [Collins] was thought to be a big pickup but he's been awful. There's a lot of blame to go around.

Trump: Yes, you guys were extremely lucky this week. Ahman, who do you think should go?

Green: Anyone from Oakland should go. Kerry and Jerry have been pitiful and have caused this team to doubt itself.

Trump: Kevan [Barlow], what do you think?

Barlow: Well, when in doubt, I always blame the kicker, Jeff [Reed]. They're not even real football players.

Vick: That's a good one. Yeah, the kicker should go. They're basically useless. They may win a few games but otherwise, there's no reason for their existence.

Trump: Kickers are indeed useless. They are the most replaceable players on a team. They're like middle management. A bunch of guys that don't really do anything. Jeff, do you want to defend yourself?

Reed: Kickers are important.

Trump: No, they aren't. This is an easy one. And though I don't like to pick on people merely because of their position, it isn't like I'm firing you because of your race, gender, or religious beliefs. Kickers are not a protected class. So this is easy. Jeff, you're fired. And I'm not even going to pay for you taxi ride because you're a lowly kicker. Use those now useless feet and walk back to the airport.