Week Ten

Shark Tank Football, "Where Football is a Feeding Frenzy"^TM

Let's get right to the action:

Football Team 84.29 - Kitna Kaboodle 53.01

In a highly anticipated battle for second, the hottest team in the league, Football Team (7-2), extended their win streak to five games, much to the chagrin of the Kaboodle, who have dropped two in a row to fall to 5-4. Despite Clinton Portis' return to productivity with 111 yards and a visit to touchdown city, the Kaboodle were beaten downfield and on the scoreboard by Santana Moss (3 touchdowns) and Torry Holt (200 yards receiving, 1 touchdown). The recent struggles of the Kaboodle have been baffling the team. "It's not like we're not competitive every week, we just aren't matching up well this season. We always seem to be running into guys who are having career days against us," ruefully replied Coach Len. True, this week Sanatana Moss has three touchdowns matching last week's flash in the pan, Arlen Harris.

Cough Drops presented by Ricola 58.78 - Sleepas 45.11

The Cough Drops (5-4) eliminated another third place team to remained in a tie for third place. The Drops victims, the Sleepas, drop to under .500 at 4-5. It was a defensive struggle as few touchdowns were recorded, but the Drops were capable enough to hand the ball off to LaDainian Thomlinson for one of their two touchdowns and that was enough to overcome a lackluster Sleepas offense. Unfortunately, Marshall Faulk was a late scratch for the Sleepas, but Coach Len was optimistic that the star running back would be available for next week.

Bleed Blue 73.79 - liusers 68.50

The Blue (4-5) beat the resurgent liusers (3-6) behind the strong play Donovan McNabb, who the liusers traded to the Blue two weeks ago. Asked if he was motivated to beat his former mates, McNabb responded, "They had it coming to them. You watch, I'm going to show them that trading me was the wrong move. YO, CHUNKY SOUP THIS." It was a close game and three touchdowns by the liusers receiving corps just wasn't enough and in the end, the Blue prevailed.

Grant Gophirs 80.72 - Stews Crew 2 42.92

Although star running back Priest Holmes was on a contract mandated sabbatical, the Gophirs (8-1) maintained their top position in the league and destroyed the Crew behind Armani Toomer (127 yards, 1 TD), Ahman Green (189 all purpose yards, 1 TD) and their defense (3 sacks, 2 interceptions, 2 fumbles, a blocked kick and a partridge in a pear tree). Gophir Stadium, sponsored by Johhny Cat, was rocking during the pregame on "Fuzzy Mouse Day" and a promotional cat toy was thrown close enough to Crew running back, Eddie George, to force him back into the locker room during warmups. Whimpering, George refused to play, dooming the Crew's chances. The Crew's Payton Manning also had an uncharacteristic day, throwing an interception on the first play, setting the tone for the day.

Fumblers 43.61 - flying pigskins 38.31

In the Battle for Last, the pigskins (2-7) narrowly beat the Fumblers (3-6) behind the weakness of the pigskins defense, who failed to show up for the game. The Fumbler's, Alge Crumpler (10 yards), Byron Leftwich (208 yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception, 2 fumbles) and Jabbar Gaffney (30 yards) combined for 3.16 points to overcome the play of Charlie Garner (66 yards, 1 touchdown) to lead the pigskins into last. The Fumblers just weren't ineffective all day as Kerry Collins threw for 303 yards and two touchdowns and the running back duo of Deuce McAllister and Stephen Davis combined for 263 ground yards to seal the Fumblers fate. The Fumblers only bright spot was their defense, which was surprisingly usless.

"Well, we showed 'em," enthused pigskin coach, Kal Sid, "if there is anybody who is a efficient at being inefficient, it is us. It's all about preparation and to prepare for next week's game against the Crew, we're going to give all the guys two-a-days, that is, two triple chili burger specials ($8.95, burger, double fries, 44oz drink and a toy) a day. This will be in addition to the normal meals, of course. I EXPECT my guys to be ready."

Looking ahead:

Gophirs @ Sleepas
liusers v. The Cough Drops, presented by Ricola
Football Team @ Bleed Blue
Fumblers v. Kaboodle
pigskins @ Crew 2

This weeks' waiver priority list:

10 flying pigskins 2-7-0 .222 448.99 L-4
9 Fumblers 3-6-0 .333 511.67 W-1
8 liusers 3-6-0 .333 570.78 L-1
7 Bleed Blue 4-5-0 .444 473.08 W-2
6 Sleepas 4-5-0 .444 557.39 L-3
5 Stews Crew 2 4-5-0 .444 581.36 L-1
4 The Cough Drops 5-4-0 .556 496.48 W-1
3 Kitna Kaboodle 5-4-0 .556 658.00 L-2
2 Football Team 7-2-0 .778 596.48 W-5
1 Grant Gophirs 8-1-0 .889 678.97 W-4

As always, prepare waivers by Wednesday.