Shark Tank Football 2009 - Week 2

Okay, the recaps are back. But instead of the 5,000 word essays of the past, I'm going to do quickies. First, the standings after Week 2:

Rk  Team                   W-L   Total    Avg   Strk
 1  Brown Town Blues       2-0  200.97  100.49   W2
 2  FortuneCookieXpress    2-0  159.37   79.69   W2
 3  Ophir Gophirs          2-0  155.50   77.75   W2
 4  Coming off the Bench   2-0  143.94   71.97   W2
 5  Reed Can't Kick a FG   1-1  166.16   83.08   W1
 6  Blue                   1-1  160.18   80.09   W1
 7  This Team Stinks       1-1  158.93   79.47   L1
 8  Cambridge Gooners FC   1-1  155.03   77.51   L1
 9  Laurie's Team          1-1  150.47   75.23   L1
10  Ram Tuff               1-1  121.10   60.55   W1
11  Dan's Team             0-2  139.89   69.95   L2
12  The Jungernaut         0-2  132.32   66.16   L2
13  Flying pigskins        0-2  116.16   58.08   L2
14  IHateThisTeam          0-2  110.90   55.95   L2

Brown Town Blues (2-0) 138.12 - This Team Stinks (1-1) 79.06

It's never a good thing when one checks his phone after the closing song of service, 35 minutes into the games, and sees that one's opponent has already scored 60 points. Bing's performance makes up for his real-life Browns playing like the color of the object most associated with them. Yes, I was thinking of creamed coffee too.

Ram Tuff (1-1) 75.26 - Laurie's Team (1-1) 65.37

Aaron had three guys total ONE YARD of offense. This is what happens when you come to church on time instead of waiting at home checking for late scratches. Just bring the laptop to the nursery or sanctuary next time. It'll save you the headache afterwards. Just put a little more in the offering plate if you're feeling guilty.

The Steelers Are Overrated (1-1) 93.06 - Cambridge Gooners FC (1-1) 83.33

The Gooners' decided to have Marques Colston and Calvin Johnson trip over the grass as part of their game plan. By habit, they looked at the side judge and claimed pass interference. The referee gave them each a yellow card and a two-match ban instead. Andy, in a creepy French accent, defended his players anyway as they were both coming off of injuries from two years ago and he claimed they tripped to protect themselves.

Blue (1-1) 83.02 - Brent's Great Picks (0-2) 52.60

You know, there are times where we are only being self-deprecating and rip our team though it's really better than we say. But Brent's team really is that bad.

Coming off the Bench (2-0) 76.44 - Dan's Team (0-2) 71.10

Matt is 2-0. Wait, let me repeat that: Matt is 2-0. He may make the playoffs. But fortunately, it's a 13-game regular season so there's still hope for Matt yet.

Ophir Gophirs (2-0) 82.84 - Flying pigskins (0-2) 59.13

Math time! What is a fantasy team owner's winning percentage the week after having his first child and passing the Certified Financial Planner exam? 0.0%.

FortuneCookieXpress (2-0) 69.30 - The Jungernaut (0-2) 62.56

Drew Brees is now only on pace for 72 TD passes. If he throws that many, Perry could start Plaxico Burress, Donte' Stallworth, Marshawn Lynch, and Matt Jones and still win the league. Meanwhile, Byron may have more success if he starts picking his opponent to win games.