2008 Shark Tank Football - Week 4

So I have made a decision. And I'm being serious. I no longer want my fantasy team. So if any of you know anyone else that would be interested on a half decent 4-0 team, let me know and they can take the reins.

My main reason is that I can't stand the fact that I spend all day Sunday thinking about my team. I know some of you have suggested to me, "Just don't think about it or spend too much time on it." But I can't. Either I take this somewhat seriously (or at spend a minmal amount of effort) on my team or I spend none. There's no middle ground. There was a reason that I quit fantasy football and it was because I just didn't enjoy it. Now I know why. I don't like sitting listening to a message while thinking about how many yards Jay Cutler has thrown or how many passes the Tennessee defense has intercepted this week. I miss being able to watch and enjoy NFL games for what they are.

You may wonder, "How come you don't feel this way about baseball?" Because baseball is every day for six months. You make one boneheaded substitution one day and it's unlikely to hurt you at the end of the season. But in football, everything is so important each week and it gets even more so once the playoffs start. I don't like dealing with it. I don't want to be that competitive of a person. This is why I take up running because there isn't really any sort of competition. It's fun and I don't have to worry about wins, losses or even my times so long as I finish.

Plus, I don't even feel like this is my team. I didn't attend the draft and I used a list. I've made some minor decisions along the way but nothing screams that I have ownership of this team.

Being 4-0 makes it easier because at least you guys know that I'm not doing it because my team stinks even though I just blew my #1 waiver wire position on Rashard Mendenhall. Maybe the team does stink and is ostensibly good because I've gotten lucky in that my opponents happened to have their worst weeks of the season when I've played them. But I talked to Dave about this on Sunday afternoon and I told him my intentions so this isn't some abrupt reaction but it's something that I've thought about the last couple of weeks.

So here's the deal: if you guys know anyone that (a) doesn't have a team in our league and (b) doesn't mind managing my team, I'm going to bow out. This means I won't trade teams with anyone in our league nor will I allow another owner in our league to manage this team. This is for integrity's sake not that I think any of you will actually use it to your advantage. I'll continue contributing the odd blog entry so long as I still have a team but as soon as another owner is found (and I'll be looking too), I'm totally out.

In the meantime, here are the standings after Week 4 (they're going to look cutoff in IE but okay in Firefox):

Rk  Team                   W-L   Total   Avg  OpAvg Strk
 1  Baba Buddha            4-0  342.26  85.57  68.09  W4
 2  This Team Stinks       4-0  324.55  81.14  67.12  W4
 3  Under new ownership    3-1  347.55  86.89  64.25  W1
 4  dan's team             3-1  287.05  71.76  67.34  L1
 5  Hana Buttah            2-2  295.51  73.88  67.44  W1
 6  Make it work           2-2  278.40  69.60  75.82  L1
 7  Brown Town Blues       2-2  277.30  69.30  79.59  W2
 8  Ophir Gophirs          2-2  231.26  57.82  72.80  L2
 9  Average Joes           1-3  305.80  76.45  71.44  L1
10  Flying pigskins        1-3  282.32  70.58  75.23  L2
11  ESPN List knows best   1-3  260.13  65.03  72.43  W1
12  Laurie's Team          1-3  247.26  61.82  63.99  L1
13  Blue                   1-3  245.46  61.37  65.25  W1
14  The JUNGERNAUT         1-3  241.18  60.30  80.70  L2

I put in opponent's average to give an idea who's played an easier or tougher schedule. This is the total points of the opponents scored in all their games; not points against totaled based upon the head-to-head. So Byron's played by far the toughest schedule so far. Obviously as the season gets longer, all the numbers in that column will converge but it's a good way to see who may really be better or worse than their actual record.

Brent may go undefeated. Good for him. He spends more time on this league than the rest of us combined - he ought to win. It would be pitiful if he didn't. Meanwhile, the nation enjoyed the political process at its best. People sharing ideas on the national stage and imploring others to see things their way. Too bad I'm talking about the economic bailout passage that failed to pass and not the presidential debate.

I don't know about you guys but I always look forward to the VP debate more so than the presidential debate. The most memorable lines of our lifetime have come from the VP debates. Lloyd Bentsen's screed against Dan Quayle and Admiral James Stockdale's famous opening line come to mind. The only thing I can remember from the Bush/Kerry debates was whether Bush was getting lines fed to him because he was wearing an earphone.

But thankfully, Senators Obama and McCain took time after the Friday debate to meet with your humble correspondent to debate the goings on in our little football league. I asked Jim Lehrer to see if he would moderate but he didn't know what a football nor what a fantasy was.

Baba Buddha (4-0) 84.97 - The JUNGERNAUT (1-3) 47.72

Greg Jennings value goes down a lot if Matt Flynn becomes the Packers quarterback. But until then, he's not bad. Jennings had six catches for 109 yards and two long touchdowns and David Garrard went 23-32 for 236 yards and a touchdown while also running for 41 yards and a score as the Buddhists remain unbeaten and sending the JUNGERNAUT to the Shark Tank sea bottom.

When one of your players accounts for over half of your point total and is not Ronnie Brown from Week 3, you're probably going to lose. Larry Johnson had his second straight strong performance and is validating his high draft status. This week, he had 28 carries for 198 yards and two touchdowns. He has already matched his touchdown total from 2007. Unfortunately for Byron, Brian Griese threw three picks, rookie Eddie Royal had a key fumble deep in enemy territory and the Arizona defense allowed 50 points. Not so good.

The first question I asked was whether Brent's being undefeated is bad for the league and whether he is like one of the fat cat CEOs of failed banks that are getting wealthy at the expense of the league's little guy. Let's start with the junior senator from Illinois.

OBAMA: I am here to fight for the middle class. In my fantasy football plan, 95% of league owners will not see a roster cut. Yes, my plan does tax the top 10% and Brent would be included in that but he is a character of the abuse of the free agent system. He plays with football players as if they were fungible objects and fails to treat them as if they are humans. It is these types of abuses that we need to curb.

McCAIN: That all sounds good but if you look at Senator Obama's record, you will see that he really wants roster cuts for anyone with an over .500 record.

OBAMA: That's not true, John. That's not true.

McCAIN: Yes, it is and you can look it up. Look, we know the system is broken. Maybe we need to limit the number of transactions. Perhaps we need to put a salary cap on the league because there is excessive spending. It's one thing for Senator Obama to make cuts but he also wants to spend more. I'm telling you that under my plan, transactions and salaries will be limited so we don't have anymore fantasy football waste.

[Applause from the audience.]

ESPN List knows best (1-3) 82.97 - Flying pigskins (1-3) 76.16

What is going on? Disappointing high running back draft picks that play on teams in Missouri are starting to live up to expectations? Here, it was Stephen Jackson who had his first big game of the year. Jackson ran 24 times for 110 yards and a touchdown and had five receptions for 78 more yards as Andy's team breaks his duck.

Tony Romo threw for exactly 300 yards and three scores while waiver wire pickup Matt Jones caught his first touchdown pass of the season. Tim Hightower continues to vulture short touchdown runs for the Cardinals as he scored for the third time in four outings.

For Kalvin, it's back to the drawing board as the 'Skins lose their second in a row. Rookie DeSean Jackson continued to impress as he had 106 total yards and a score. #2 overall pick Adrian Peterson ran for 80 yards and two scores and another rookie, Jonathan Stewart, ran for yet another touchdown. But because of poor performances from Chris Cooley (28 yards) and Mason Crosby (3 PATs), the 'Skins drop to 1-3.

The next topic I wanted to ask about is the notion of using lists in fantasy drafts. I'll start with Senator McCain. Do you think that owners should be able to coast along, shirking their draft responsibilities and be permitted to use a list. And in Andy's case, not even his own list?

McCAIN: There is a shortage of accountability in this country. When things go wrong, we tend to look elsewhere for fault. It's true in this financial crisis and it's true in Iraq. Sure, mistakes may have been made. But as president or even a fantasy football commissioner, I assure fantasy footballers everywhere that the bucks stops here.

ME: Umm... where is "here"?

McCAIN: Well, owners have to take responsibility. If a team like Andy's team is 1-3, it's his fault. He can't blame the list. Others that don't appear at the draft often curse the list. But that's each owner's fault.

OBAMA: Again, we have a difference of opinion here. Innocent people are being hurt by this list crisis. Not everyone can take time off work or parental responsibility to simply show up at a frivolous draft. People are innocent victims of poorly constructed lists by so-called experts. We ended up in an economic crisis because we trusted that banks would make sound loans and investments and we got burned and look who's paying the price. In the same way, we need to help these owners that have been duped by bad lists and under my leadership, innocent owners will receive benefits such as extra roster spots or bonus fantasy points while those that took advantage of owners will be punished.

McCAIN: The fact that Senator Obama calls fantasy drafts frivolous just shows how out of touch this elitist from Chicago is. He calls himself a man of the people and yet he doesn't even recognize the importance of fantasy football to this economy. Does he know how much money is gambled on NFL and fantasy football? That millions of Americans only watch football for fantasy purposes? Who are we to say that that is frivolous?

OBAMA: It is frivolous. But the truth is that we still have to help innocent victims. Those that get duped by a list should be given 5 points for each bad pick suggested by the list. If Senator McCain only knows football, he knows that almost every team now uses the forward pass. He's still bitter that they don't use the wishbone or single-wing formation in the NFL anymore.

Under new ownership (3-1) 98.13 - Ophir Gophirs (2-2) 47.21

David looks like he's got the pick of the rookie running backs. Chris Johnson came into the season ranked behind fellow rookies Darren McFadden, Jonathan Stewart and Matt Forte but he may turn out to be the best of the bunch. He scored his first two touchdowns of the season as LenDale White may soon become a memory and Jamal Lewis and Steve Smith found paydirt as UNO takes the league points total lead with a resounding victory over the Gophirs.

Rob's team has now lost two in a row after begining the season 2-0. Anquan Boldin had 119 yards receiving and a score but his status is in doubt after sustaining a frightening neck injury in the final minutes. Meanwhile, Correll Buckhalter came in for the injured Brian Westbrook and had 90 total yards and a touchdown run.

Speaking of under new ownership, David was asked which bank is the current sponsor of his team. "Well, we used to be sponsored by Security Pacific before they were bought by Bank of America. But I always like the idea of a community bank so I went to Great Western and then they became purchased by WaMu. And now look what's happened to them. I'm just looking for a solid bank or credit union I can pick to sponsor my team without having to worry about name changes every two years."

It was hard enough to get Senators McCain and Obama in the same room and then when McCain threatened to cancel to address the economic crisis, I was borderline apoplectic. But I had to remain professional so I asked Senator McCain why he eventually decided to show up. Keep in mind that this interview took place Friday before all the wild things that happened on Black Monday II (or at least a grayish Monday).

McCAIN: Because they have things under control in Washington. We're going to get something passed pretty soon. And the American fantasy owners deserve to hear the candidates on the issues.

OBAMA: I was always with the people. I can have influence in Washington without being there. That is the power of my campaign and the power of Obama. I don't need to be there and I can still talk to YOU, the American people, and all of YOU in the middle class. I care about you.

ME: Now honestly, Senator McCain, you would've looked like a fool if you didn't show up.

McCAIN: No, I had a priority as a Senator. I've been sent by the good people of Arizona to do a job and unlike people from Chicago, apparently, they can show up for work every one hundred years like Cubs fans and expect that to be enough.

OBAMA: John, I'm a south-sider all the way. I love the White Sox.

McCAIN: That sounds like a typical bandwagon fan. Jumping off one bandwagon of a team that didn't win for 100 years to one that won in 86. And I didn't even know Muslims played baseball.

OBAMA: You'd be surprised, John.

Hana Buttah (2-2) 78.22 - Make it work (2-2) 75.34

Laveranues Coles caught three touchdown passes in the second quarter alone and Drew Brees threw for 363 yards and three scores to pace Warren's Hana Buttah to their second victory of the year over Matt's Make it work who clearly didn't in Week 4.

Actually, it was a close game that was made closer when LaDainian Tomlinson turned a pitiful day after three and a half quarters of his game and scored two touchdowns in the last four minutes to put together a 20+ fantasy point day.But Matt was done in by the Cowboys refusing to run the ball against the Redskins. Terrell Owens got two more carries than Felix Jones who, hello Wade Phillips, has averaged over eight yards per carry this year. Warren benefitted as Jason Witten had seven catches for 90 yards and a touchdown. Witten's numbers through four games are amazingly consistent and he is giving Antonio Gates a run as the #1 tight end in fantasy.

Kurt Warner threw for a whopping 472 yards and two touchdowns but also threw three picks and lost three fumbles. That's -12 points right there. It's amazing that Warner still nearly managed double figures.

There seems to excessive banter between Warren and Brent on the message board. It appears that these two men need to resolve their differences or take their trash talking outside. I can't stand it and I've polled the other owners (or pretended to poll them) and they agreed that we should let Senators Obama and McCain discuss the issue of trash talking.

OBAMA: This is a situation where both sides needs to show restraint. I remember my time as a community organizer on the south side of Chicago, I brought people of different races, socioeconomic scales and cultures together. I can do likewise in this league.

McCAIN: I have always been what President Bush calls a "bring togetherer". I bring people together. I befriended my captors when I was a POW for five years in Vietnam. I did the same in my time in the Senate. I can do the same with Warren and Brent.

ME: Well, that's all fine and dandy but have either of you considered that sometimes, there are people that just never want to get along?

OBAMA: Nonsense, diplomacy always works.

McCAIN: And if that doesn't work, we can increase the number of troops. That always works.

Brown Town Blues (2-2) 70.10 - Average Joes (1-3) 67.39

Bing watched the Steelers force a Joe Flacco fumble and LaMarr Woodley take it the other way for a touchdown. Coming into Monday night's game with a ten-point deficit, that defensive score put Brown Town Blues over the top with a narrow win over the luckless Average Joes.

It was an overall uninspiring performance from BTB as Marion Barber got the rock eight, count 'em EIGHT times for only 26 yards. Meanwhile, rookie tight end Dustin Keller and Braylon Edwards each caught touchdown passes. But it was Denver kicker Matt Prater who kicked four field goals that carried the offense.

For Aaron's Average Joes, there were three players with around 13 points and most of the rest tallied fewer than four. Jason Campbell had a strong performance with two touchdown passes and Lee Evans and Brandon Marshall each had scoring receptions. The Bills defense chipped in with two sacks, two forced turnovers and a touchdown. Aaron wasn't helped in that three of his surefire starters were on a bye week. But hey, bye weeks hurt everybody. Just like season-ending injuries. How about that Tom Brady?

Brown Town Blues has picked itself off the mat and has surged back to a 2-2 record. Speaking of surges, what do the candidates think of them?

McCAIN: Senator Obama has maintained that the surge hasn't worked. But it is because of my relationship with General Petraeus and that he will continue to command our forces in Iraq. Likewise, I applaud Bing for his team's surge into the middle of the table.

OBAMA: I never said that the surge didn't work - I've said all along that I was against the invasion in Iraq from the beginning and that this fantasy football team was doomed from the start. We need autonomy in our leagues and not a commissioner that will micromanage the league.

McCAIN: That almost sounds Republican - small government, more autonomy.

OBAMA: But I want the commissioner to have enough influence to help those in need. And unlike my opponent who says we're going to be involved for another 100 years, I like to withdraw my position as governor as soon as everything in the Shark Tank is fixed. That's the difference between me and my opponent. I care about Main Street, not about Wall Street.

McCAIN: What does Disneyland have to do with this? Besides, my opponents has such big ears, he, like his policies, are eerily similar to one Mickey Mouse.

OBAMA: M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E! Remember, I have Britney Spears on my side, John.

Blue (1-3) 81.44 - Laurie's Team (1-3) 70.83

Very few teams make the playoffs after starting 0-3. But Willie's Blue have also won two Shark Tank Bowls so you can never count them out. Well, you can, but they may still will the odd game. Jerricho Cotchery had two touchdown receptions and Antwaan Randle El, Santonio Holmes and Antonio Gates also reached the end zone as Blue get their first win of the season over the fading Laurie's Team.

Even the much-maligned Chargers defense had a big game. Of course, they were playing the Raiders so good matchup for them. Even though Clinton Portis didn't score, he had 135 total yards and got plenty of burn.

For Laurie's Team, rookie Steve Slaton had 116 total yards and a touchdown and Robert Meachem caught a long touchdown pass. She went into Monday night's game with a slight lead but while Holmes got Willie some much-needed points, Mark Clayton had a carry on a reverse and lost a yard while Todd Heap wasn't even thrown to by Joe Flacco. Bad news for Laurie's Team. Fortunately, she gets Randy Moss back next week and will have her full roster available.

I asked the two candidates what they thought of these two teams.

OBAMA: These two teams need some sort of bailout package. Forget $700 billion. They could use another running back or a quarterback. Sometimes money doesn't solve all the problems. Other forms of relief are often good enough.

McCAIN: Well, I think just like there are big banks that make poor decisions that should be left alone like Lehman Brothers, these two teams should be left to die. We can't possibly bail out everyone and give them a LaDainian Tomlinson or a Tony Romo. What is going to be left?

OBAMA: You were wrong about Tom Brady being a #1 quarterback. You were wrong about Randy Moss being a top receiver. You were wrong about Marc Bulger having a comeback season. You were wrong, John. You were wrong.

McCAIN: Obviously, Senator Obama doesn't understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy.

ME: Oh, could you explain the difference then?

McCAIN: Umm... a tactic is like a breath mint and a strategy is like a board game with marshals, spies, scouts and bombs.

ME: Is President Bush feeding you information?

McCAIN: No, but let me make this clear: we are winning in Iraq. And eventually teams have to be left to die. That's just how economics and capitalism work and if there's a recession, that's fine. And as Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, "Mr. Obama, you cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs."

OBAMA: Well, the problem with that, John, is that based upon eight years of failed policies, when you make the omelet, somehow the eggs end up all over your face.

This Team Stinks (4-0) 76.16 - dan's team (3-1) 62.61

In the battle of unbeatens, Elijah scraped Lance Moore off the waiver wire in time for 101 yards and two touchdown receptions and Terrell Owens stopped whining long enough to catch a touchdown pass as Elijah beat dan's team in the battle of unbeatens.

Elijah wasted a #1 waiver wire claim on Rashard Mendenhall who had his shoulder busted by Ray Lewis. He also left Edgerrin "I never get red zone carries" James on the bench and he scored twice but This Team Stinks lucked out into another win thanks to another below par performance by an opponent.

Marshawn Lynch was rated by many as the #1 running back going into Week 4 but he was relative disappointment as he had only 57 yards rushing and failed to score. Jake Delhomme took advantage of a full receiving corps as he threw for 294 yards and two scores and rookie LeRon McClain took advantage of the injury to Willis McGahee and ran for 61 yards and a score. However, the 18 point deficit after Sunday's action was too much to overcome.

Well, this debate has been utterly pointless but I will give each candidate a final statement.

OBAMA: Did I mention that I voted against Iraq from the beginning?

McCAIN: Did I mention that I was a POW for five years in Vietnam?

And with that, we thank our candidates. We hope to have the pleasure of their appearance at the next debate in several weeks.