Shark Tank Football - Week 12 - The "What If?" Game
Yay! Only one more week before I don't have to do six games per week! Ahem… I hope everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving holiday. I know David and Dan did as they clinched playoff berths with wins in Week 12. There is still the coveted #2 seed on the line this week as David would clinch it with any sort of win or a loss by Dan as there's no way any of the three teams below David in the standings are going to make up 100 points in one week.
So, in the interest of continuity, first the standings and results from Week 11 (sorry, no writeups):
Rk Team W-L Total Avg Strk
1 I Pick Donte'..Again 10-1 970.91 88.26 L1
2 SBXL Champs 7-4 882.80 80.25 W3
3 Flying pigskins 7-4 806.81 73.35 W4
4 Dan 7-4 762.87 69.35 W1
5 Cambridge Gooners FC 6-5 801.25 72.84 L1
6 Ophir Gophirs 6-5 759.69 69.06 L1
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7 Ram Tuff part 2 5-6 845.30 76.85 W1
8 Blue 5-6 801.10 72.83 W1
9 www.hughhewitt.com 5-6 585.62 52.24 W1
10 Brown Town Blues 4-7 756.83 68.80 L1
11 Woodchucks 2-9 697.67 63.42 L5
12 the Jungernaut 2-9 612.76 55.71 L5
Blue (5-6) 76.39 - I Pick Donte'..Again (10-1) 64.04
Ram Tuff part 2 (5-6) 73.95 -
SBXL Champs (7-4) 69.35 - Ophir Gophirs (6-5) 64.17
www.hughhewitt.com (5-6) 51.58 - Woodchucks (2-9) 46.88
Dan (7-4) 97.65 -
Flying pigskins (7-4) 109.32 - the Jungernaut (2-9) 50.86
And now, the current standings after Week 12:
Rk Team W-L Total Avg(Rk) Strk
1 I Pick Donte'..Again 11-1 1066.08 88.91 (1) W1
2 SBXL Champs 8-4 974.03 81.17 (2) W4
3 Dan 8-4 886.75 73.90 (4) W2
4 Flying pigskins 7-5 847.31 70.61 (7) L1
5 Ophir Gophirs 7-5 823.09 68.59 (8) W1
6 Cambridge Gooners FC 6-6 860.89 71.74 (6) L2
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7 www.hughhewitt.com 6-6 658.89 54.91 (11) W2
8 Ram Tuff part 2 5-7 887.74 73.98 (3) L1
9 Blue 5-7 879.93 73.33 (5) L1
10 Brown Town Blues 4-8 810.79 67.57 (9) L2
11 Woodchucks 3-9 795.72 66.31 (10) W1
12 the Jungernaut 2-10 649.83 54.15 (12) L6
With three teams already in, the Flying Pigskins and the Ophir Gophirs are also looking very good for a playoff spot. In fact, they look to have all but mathematically clinched a spot as the 7th-place HH.com is 165 points behind the Gophirs and 189 points in arrears of the Pigskins. The 'Skins and 'Phirs play each other this week to for seeding and an outside shot at the #2 seed.
Well, with only one week to go in the regular season, that means it's time to play the "What if?" game! Not only looking at playoff scenarios but also at what each owner could have done differently. Because looking back and complaining beats the heck out of looking forward trying to fix our screwups.
Woodchucks (3-9) 98-05 - Blue (5-7) 78.83
Carissa rushed the field as soon as the clock hit :00 as the Woodchucks snapped their five-game losing streak by dealing Blue a potentially fatal loss. There would have been more fans rushing the field but they couldn't find it wearing brown paper bags on their heads and all. With the win, Coach Matt L won't have to worry about who to draft #1 next year and he can let Byron make the first pick and he can take whoever's left between Larry Johnson and LaDainian Tomlinson.
The Woodchucks finally got the big collective effort Coach Matt L has been waiting for all season. Drew Brees continued his hot play since being acquired as he threw for his fifth straight 300-yard game and two more touchdowns. Anquan Boldin, Laveranues Coles and Terrell Owens each surpassed 100 yards receiving and each scored once while Terry Glenn found paydirt twice. Meanwhile, Brandon Jacobs got what was, for him, a whopping nine carries and turned them into 54 yards and two touchdowns. All of that resulted in a season-high point output.
Alas for Blue, despite another big game from Tomlinson, normal contributors failed to contribute. LT ran for 109 yards and two touchdowns while throwing a touchdown pass to Antonio Gates. Marion Barber had another strong game running while catching two scoring passes. But Ben Roethlisberger saw more
Matt L was pleased to finally get back into the win column. "I know I may have cost myself the #1 pick but no one wants to finish last two years in a row. This is something worth celebrating. After the game, the family popped open a fresh box of formula to celebrate. Asked if he had any regrets, Matt said, "LaDainian Tomlinson or Larry Johnson."
Meanwhile, this was a devastating loss for Blue. Despite having the most valuable player this year, the rest of the team has been unable to support LT. "It's really disappointing. And frustrating. All we want is a chance and I know I can kick Brent's butt again," said Blue Coach Willie W. Asked if he had any regrets, he said, "Hines Ward. Man, it's a good thing LT was so good because the rest of my draft kind of sucked."
Dan (8-4) 123.88 - Flying pigskins (7-5) 40.50
Back in the old days when I used to play fantasy football, I always found blowout losses much less frustrating than close games where my team scores a respectable point total and loses. Well, Team Dan edged the Flying pigskins by a mere 83 points. A close shave indeed. In the battle of 7-5 teams, it was Team Dan exploding behind four touchdown runs by rookie Joseph Addai as they pasted Kalvin S's Flying pigskins to keep pace with SBXL Champs (or whatever he was called for about eight hours after the Steelers got blasted).
Addai had 208 yards from scrimmage along with his four touchdown runs. Team Dan was also boosted by Chester Taylor who ran for 136 yards and a score. Rudi Johnson and Plaxico Burress each scored touchdowns while Larry Fitzgerald caught 172 yards worth of passes. The result could have been even worse had Team Dan started Charles Cooley instead of Alge Crumpler and T.J. Houshmandzadeh instead of the previously hot Lee Evans. Man, we could've had a 100-point victory, something that has only happened once or twice. Oh well, maybe next week.
For the Pigskins, if you're going to lay an egg, at least make it over easy. And it was over easy. No Pigskin reached double figures. The closet was Chad Johnson who had seven catches for 123 yards. That's about all there is to say. A bad week for the Pigskins as they have their four-game winning streak abruptly terminated.
Dan was pleased to make the playoffs after a one-year absence. "This is the way it should be. We Lens started this league and at least one of us should be represented. It would've been a tragedy if none of us made it." But he's pleased to have fraternal bragging rights for the year so far. "Especially with Aaron only ahead of Byron in the basketball league, things are pretty desperate for our family."
For Kalvin, he was also happy to have all but clinched a playoff spot. "We had a good year. Like I said in Week 3, I'll be around to annoy all of you in the playoffs." Think how much better the Pigskins could have been if they didn't draft Reggie Bush #1. "We don't look back. We see Bush at #1 as a bit of a bust but then we also see Willie Parker putting up #1 numbers and Fred Taylor also having a good year. So it evens out and we don't go around looking back and wondering what might have been. Except with how good UCLA would be this year with another year of Jordan Farmar and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute being a sophomore. Why, oh why did Farmar have to leave???"
Ophir Gophirs (7-5) 63.40 -
Speaking of close games (albeit with middling point totals), the Gophirs and Gooners both came in with 6-5 records. Unfortunately for Gooners supporters everywhere, it is the Gophirs emerging victorious behind 192 total yards and a touchdown from Steven Jackson. The win all but clinches a playoff spot for the Gophirs and leaves Gooners needing a win to salvage a shot at defending their title.
The Bears defense helped the Gophirs cause with five takeaways and rookie Laurence Maroney scored on a short touchdown run. Coach Rob C was happy about making the playoff cut. "This isn't like the first few years when everyone made the playoffs," he said. "You can't suck and make the playoffs anymore. But thank goodness our league still rewards mediocrity." Indeed as the Gophirs have a winning record despite being 8th in point total.
For Gooners, Willis McGahee had two touchdown runs while Andre Johnson had a scoring reception. Unfortunately, the decision to start Jon Kitna instead of David Carr proved to be the difference between relaxing this week to worrying about their playoff future. "We need to find some more players in the January transfer window," said Coach Andy J. When told that this was American football and the season will be over by then, Andy was shocked. "Oh - I was hoping to buy LaDainian Tomlinson from Willie for like £50,000,000 with the loan I would have gotten from some Russian investor. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go with Plan B and just win with what I've got. I wish you could buy titles in the States like we can in
Looking back at "What if?"s, Andy could only wonder if he held on to Drew Brees instead of David Carr. "Well, I wasn't the only one that dropped him. But yeah, he'd look pretty good in a Gooners kit right now. I wonder if I can get him for about £10,000,000 right now."
I Pick Donte'..Again (11-1) 95.17 - the Jungernaut (2-10) 37.07
I didn't get a chance to comment on IPDA's lost last week. So here are my comments, HA HA HA! And the $1,000,000 prize remains unclaimed again. Think man, you could have paid for one year of college for Deric at USC with that money. Or do faculty get discounts? Anyway….
On to Week 12. IPDA got to play a team you want to play after a difficult loss - the hapless Jungernaut. It's a good thing Michael Vick can run the ball since his receivers have apparently forgotten how to catch his passes. Vick ran for 166 more yards to reach 870 on the season and Larry Johnson ran for 157 more with a touchdown as IPDA shellacked the Jungernaut into total submission.
Warrick Dunn and Todd Heap also scored while the Ravens defense cleaned out the Steelers offense's clock. The Edgar Allan Poes recorded nine sacks, three takeaways and a defensive touchdown. Of course, if Brent decided to start me at defense this week, he still would have won by 27 points so it's not like they were the difference.
The STFB asked IPDA Coach Brent L about the loss from Week 11. "I'm over it," he said. "It doesn't matter because I'm still stuck with the #1 seed and they always lose in the first round." When told that IPDA will enjoy a first-round bye, Brent said, "Geez, you have to be so technical. Fine, the #1 seed always loses the first game it plays. There, you happy Mr. Nitpicky?"
Any regrets about not finishing undefeated? "Yes, that I can't finish undefeated. Duh."
We couldn't reach Jungernaut Coach Byron J as he's on sabbatical. But I hope he's enjoying his sabbatical because now he has all the time in the world to think about the words I long to say every year at this time:
"Byron - you are now on the clock."
SBXL Champs (8-4) 91.23 - Ram Tuff part 2 (5-7) 42.44
The Thanksgiving weekend didn't start out so well as SBXL Coach David L watched his bench quarterback Tony Romo throw for 306 yards and five touchdowns while his starter, Trent Green, had 161 yards passing, no touchdowns and an interception. Good thing Ram Tuff stunk this week as SBXL won their fourth straight and handed Ram Tuff part deux a difficult loss.
Shaun Alexander carried the ball 40 times. Yes, 40 times and ran it for 201 yards. Looks good as Marques Colston missed this week to a sprained ankle. Meanwhile, Frank Gore continued his All-Pro caliber season with another 134 yards and a touchdown and Deuce McAllister had two touchdown runs. It could have been worse for Aaron L has David not only left 20 points on the bench with Romo but also 14.5 points on the bench with Devery Henderson who played Colston's role on Sunday with a 76-yard touchdown catch and run. Hey David - you have four good running backs - I think it's time to trade one for a quarterback. That'll complete the circle.
For RTP2, relying on the Colts passing game is never good when the Colts' running back scores four touchdowns. The triumvirate of Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison combined for only 17 points as
SBXL Coach David L could only wonder what might have been if people accepted all his trade proposals. "Come on! Just trade! It's only fantasy football. No one's going to get fired. If I had Shaun Alexander in the beginning, I'd be up there with Brent. And yes, I'm still all bent out of shape over the TD passes being only three points." Argh - not again.
As for Ram Tuff part 2 Coach Aaron L, again, he wasn't one to look back but look forward. "Eh, maybe Edgerrin at #4 overall wasn't such a good idea. But I got Donovan McNabb in the fifth round and I traded him right before he blew out his knee so I can't really complain about that." That's the spirit - look forward, not backwards. "Yes, so I can complain about stinkin' Andrei Kirlienko being hurt and not doing anything offensively anymore. Stupid Jazz being unselfish. But now that I've got Monta Ellis, I'm comin' back! Maisie - I'm comin' after you for 9th!"
www.hughhewitt.com (6-6) 73.27 -
HH.com and Coach Warren C are still alive but barely. Brian Westbrook took advantage of Donovan McNabb's absence with 170 yards and a touchdown and Carson Palmer threw for three touchdowns as HH.com hangs in there by knocking off Brown Town Blues thereby eliminating what faint playoff hopes BTB harbored.
BTB did see 90 yards and a score from Ahman Green and another touchdown catch for Donald Driver. But it was an otherwise forgettable effort for the 2006 newcomer, Coach Bing Y. But hey, he does get rookie manager of the year at the year-end banquet at Y-Not in January by virtue of clinching the most points by any rookie manager. So what if he lost to fellow rookie Warren C. Chili cheese fries with grilled onions and tomatoes for all!
We asked the two league n00bs what they thought of their first year so far and what they learned from life in the Shark Tank.
What about BTB? Coach Bing Y said, "My entire draft was bad. I'm actually surprised that my team did so well. But an expansion team always struggles. I'm assured of a high pick next year so we'll look to improve for 2007. That and not drafting Packers players anymore."
Playoff Scenarios
Okay, here we go. Here is the playoff situation for each team.
I Pick Donte'..Again (11-1) - Has clinched the #1 seed, a first-round bye and home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. The title will go through Brent's crib… what? All games are played on neutral fields? Okay, never mind about the home-field advantage thing.
SBXL Champs (8-4) - Has clinched a playoff spot.
Can clinch the #2 seed and a first-round bye with a win over Brown Town Blues.
With a loss, can still win the #2 seed with a Dan loss to IPDA so long as Dan doesn't outscore SBXL by more than 87.29 points. Neither 7-5 team's point total is within striking range of winning the #2 seed. If both SBXL and Dan lose, the Pigskins would have to win and outscore SBXL by 99.73 points or the Gophirs would have to outscore SBXL by 150.95. So essentially, SBXL has all but clinched a #3 seed at worst.
Dan (8-4) - Has clinched a playoff spot.
Can clinch the #2 seed and a first-round bye with a win against IPDA and a loss by SBXL to Brown Town Blues. Hmm… not looking so probable.
Will have no worse than a #3 seed with a win. Could move up to #2 with a win and outscoring SBXL by 87.29 points.
Can fall to #4 with a loss AND if the winner of the Pigskins/Gophirs game makes up a 39.45 point or 63.67 point deficit respectively.
Cannot do worse than #4 and with the point differentials, still looks good for #3 even with a loss.
Flying pigskins (7-5) - Can clinch the #4 seed with a win over the Gophirs.
Can reach #3 with
(1) a win over the Gophirs AND
(2) a loss by Dan AND
(3) the Pigskins outscores Dan by 23.23 points.
Would finish no worse than #4 with a win.
With a loss, the only way they miss the playoffs is:
(1) a win by Gooners AND
(2) a win by HH.com AND
(3) HH.com outscores the Pigskins by 188.42 points.
In other words, has all but mathematically clinched a playoff spot.
Can still finish #5 with a loss if Gooners loses but can do no worse.
Ophir Gophirs (7-5) - Very similar to Flying pigskins above. Can clinch the #4 seed with a win over the Pigskins.
Can reach #3 with
(1) win over the Pigskins AND
(2) a loss by Dan AND
(3) the Gophirs outscores Dan by 63.67 points.
Would finish no worse than #4 with a win.
With a loss, the only way they miss the playoffs is:
(1) a win by Gooners AND
(2) a win by HH.com AND
(3) HH.com outscores the Gophirs by 164.21 points.
So yeah - he's all but in.
Can still finish #5 with a loss if Gooners falters but can do no worse.
Gooners needs to beat Ram Tuff part 2 to clinch a playoff spot. With a win, the only way they don't make the playoffs is if HH.com outscores them by 202.01 points. So basically, win and Gooners are in.
By winning, can reach as high as the #5 seed so long as:
(1) in a Pigskins victory, Pigskins don't outscore Gooners by 13.59 points OR
(2) in a Gophirs victory, Ophir doesn't outscore Gooners by 37.81 points.
With a Gooners loss, Ram Tuff part 2 would also sport a 6-7 record and Gooners would lose the tiebreaker on total points. So even with an HH.com loss to Blue, it would be impossible for Gooners to make the playoffs with a loss. So Andy - you better win.
www.hughhewitt.com (6-6) - Will clinch the #6 seed with a win over Blue AND a Gooners loss to Ram Tuff part 2. That's it.
With a loss to Blue in Week 12, the way the permutations work out, it would be impossible for HH.com to make the playoffs since if Gooners win, HH.com is out. If Gooners also lose to Ram Tuff part 2, there would be a four-way tie at 6-7 between the aforementioned four teams and HH.com is over 200 points behind to all of them.
Ram Tuff part 2 (5-7) - Still with a sliver of hope. To make the playoffs:
(1) must defeat Gooners AND
(2) Blue must defeat HH.com AND
(3a) Ram Tuff part 2 outscores Blue OR
(3b) Blue does not outscore Ram Tuff part 2 by more than 7.81 points.
That's it.
Blue (5-7) - Also with a sliver of hope. To make the playoffs:
(1) must defeat HH.com AND
(2) Ram Tuff part 2 must defeat Gooners AND
(3) Must outscore Ram Tuff part 2 by 7.82 points.
That's it. There ain't no other way.
With a loss, could drop to 11th if the Woodchucks defeat the Jungernaut AND Woodchucks outscore BTB by 15.08 points.
Woodchucks (3-9) - Eliminated from playoff contention. With a win over the Jungernaut, can move up to 10th (and out of the running for the Tomlinson/Johnson 2007 sweepstakes) if they outscore Brown Town Blues by 15.08 points. Otherwise, can do no worse than 11th unless the Jungernaut wins by more than 145.90 points.
the Jungernaut (2-10) - Eliminated from playoff contention. All but locked into last place unless they defeat the Woodchucks by 145.90 points. Like I said earlier: "Byron J, you are now on the clock."
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