Shark Tank Football - Week 3 - The Return of John Madden

John Madden made a cameo appearance in this humble little blog back in 2004 . Well, with word that Shaun Alexander is the latest to be afflicted by the Madden curse, the big guy with the big bus decided to stop by, defend his critics, and of course, share about his man-crush on Brett Favre.

First, the standings after Week 3:

Rk  Team                   W-L  Total    Avg  Strk
 1  I Pick Donte' Again    3-0  253.63  84.54   W3
 2  www.HughHewitt.com     3-0  191.94  63.98   W3
 3  SBXL Chumps            2-1  254.86  84.95   W2
 4  Cambridge Gooners FC   2-1  219.03  73.01   L1
 5  Dan                    2-1  215.52  71.84   W1
 6  Ram Tuff part 2        1-2  230.62  76.87   L2
 7  Brown Town Blues       1-2  224.78  74.93   W1
 8  Ophir Gophirs          1-2  199.19  66.40   L1
 9  Flying pigskins        1-2  191.96  63.99   W1
10  Blue                   1-2  182.67  60.89   L2
11  Woodchucks             1-2  180.04  60.01   L1
12  the Jungernaut         0-3  140.92  46.98   L3

I Pick Donte' .. Again (3-0) 77.09 - Ophir Gophirs (1-2) 67.21

Wow, score one for the Yahoo projections. Yahoo just about nailed this result in terms of the total. Of course, they were a wee bit off on the individual predictions. But fantasy football is a team game and Keyshawn Johnson made up for the late scratch of Donte' Stallworth with 101 total yards and two touchdowns, one rushing and one receiving, to keep IPDA undefeated at the expense of Ophir Gophirs.

IPDA also got 125 yards and a touchdown from Kevin Jones and another solid effort from the Ravens defense to make up for Stallworth's hamstring injury and the beatdown suffered by Michael Vick on Monday night. Coach Brent L was ecstatic to remain perfect. "I realized this week was a team effort. And because we have Donte', I learned that as long as he's in the lineup, we're going to win, even if he doesn't play. We're undefeated with Stallworth!"

Meanwhile, Yahoo's individual predictions for the Gophirs were far more accurate to the dismay of Coach Rob C. Tom Brady threw for 320 yards but only one touchdown to help pace a mediocre Gophirs result.

Coach Madden, who has spent all his career evoking Brett Favre's karma has finally come to realize that Tom Brady is not all that far off. But he wouldn't go as far as to say Brady is as good. "Brady is just a great player," Madden said. "I mean, he's even pretty close to Favre but not quite as good as Brett Favre!" When told that Brady has three rings compared to Favre's one, Madden guffawed. "We'll see how long it takes Favre to catch up. I bet he can win two this year all by himself! And he really is by himself this year. Did you see how the Packers did behind Favre this week?"

Flying Pigskins (1-2) 70.53 - Ram Tuff part 2 (1-2) 62.21

I gots to say - I'm looking at these results and I can't get over how close some of these Yahoo projections turned out to be. For Flying Pigskins, they get off the schneid with a come-from-behind victory over Ram Tuff 2.0. Yahoo missed the Pigskins' total by less than a point and while Yahoo missed Ram Tuff's projection by a little more, they were within Donovan McNabb's point total by less than a passing yard.

Anyway, Willie Parker had 133 yards rushing and two touchdowns and Mark Brunell completed 22 consecutive passes to more than offset a rather quiet Sunday from Chad Johnson and Reggie Bush. Coach Kalvin S said, "Oh me of little faith!" Not that anyone had questioned his team's ability to win. Have some confidence, man! When was the last time you saw John Madden not confident? Madden said, "I mean, you've got a good team. No Brett Favre but you've got some good players!"

For Aaron L's Ram Tuff, they drop their second straight game despite strong efforts from McNabb who threw for 296 yards and two scores and Edgerrin James who ran for 94 and also scored. The Edge was a little angry because he wants the ball more. "I only had 24 carries and we lost by eight points," James said. Coach Aaron said that he had more pressing matters at hand, "Hey! You try to coach a bunch of dysfunctional crybabies and try to prepare for a kid! Actually... hehe!" Asked whether he may have to take paternity leave, Aaron said, "Nah, I'll just let the players call their own plays."

www.hughhewitt.com (3-0) 76.88 - the Jungernaut (0-3) 51.33

HH.com took advantage of two empty roster spots in the Jungernaut's lineup to run their record to 3-0. Coach Warren C got three touchdowns and 164 yards from Brian Westbrook and five takeaways by the Bengals defense as HH.com is still a candidate for the annual $1 million trophy named after Gaston Green, Abdul-Karim al-Jabbar, Skip Hicks, DeShaun Foster, Maurice Jones-Drew for going undefeated in league play.

Warren decided to take an early sabbatical by going to the Land Down Under to celebrate his team's victory. "Some teams have a bye week already and so we decided just to spend a few days relaxing in Sydney." But he is very wary about letting some of his players participate in some of Oz's fun activities - nothing that would jeopardize his chances of Shark Tank conquest. "We don't let them go into the water because they may get stung by a stingray or attacked by a shark. We don't let them go skydiving or bungee jumping because, well, they might die. And that would make it difficult to win games."

The Jungernaut was stuck with a bunch of players that all had byes at the same time. Figuring this is a long season, Coach Byron J decided to rest up some of his guys and look forward. "I think my team needed to just sit and watch for a week, like rookie quarterbacks. Speaking of rookie quarterbacks, I'm just waiting for Matt Leinart to get the starting call. But apparently, it's just a matter of time before he plays and we will conquer you all!"

Speaking of Leinart, Madden was asked about the former Heisman winner's future. "Well, he's got a shot. But he's left-handed. And most good quarterbacks are right-handed… like Brett Favre! In fact, I'll bet that Favre can do just as well throwing left-handed as he does right-handed! Wouldn't that surprise the defense! Favre back to pass and BOOM! He switches hands and throws the other way. Only Favre could do that!"

When told that the reason most good quarterbacks are right-handed is because… well, there are more right-handed people, Madden scoffed. "If that were true, they should make game controllers left-handed. But I mean, when I play, it's like I have three thumbs! How do you turn on this XBOX 360 thing anyway? And what's this Wii thing that's coming out?"

SBXL Chumps (née Champs) (2-1) 77.42 - Cambridge Gooners FC (2-1) 71.01

Peyton Manning ran for his first touchdown in four years and the returns of starting wide receivers Steve Smith and T.J. Houshmandzadeh propelled SBXL to their second straight win while at the same time, snapping Gooners FC's long winning streak dating back to last season.

Smith and Houshmandzadeh combined for 206 yards and two touchdowns. Rookie receiver/tight end Marques Colston, continues to give SBXL Chumps the best value of any rookie as he had another fine game with 97 yards. For Gooners, the receiving corps of Roy Williams, Javon Walker and Andre Johnson combined for 420 yards and three touchdowns. But thanks to four, count 'em FOUR turnovers by Kurt Warner, Gooners lost for the first time.

Warner's fourth quarter performance was particularly galling to Gooners supporters outside their new stadium. Riot police needed to be summoned after hundreds of fans hung Warner in effigy and blocked his way out until he agreed to not play anymore. On Monday night, Gooners manager Andy J would have none of it despite reports that backup Drew Brees would play next week. "He's out best quarterback and he's going to play." However, on Tuesday morning, Andy had changed his mind and dropped Brees and will start newly acquired David Carr.

Andy was also asked about his running backs. "I like Ronnie Brown, Willis McGahee and Corey Dillon. But I'm a little disappointed about 'T. Henry.' I thought I was getting Thierry Henry who scores at least once a week. Turns out, I got Travis Henry instead. Wrong football, I suppose."

Surprisingly enough, Madden is not a fan of the other football. "That's not smashmouth anything. You've got wussy guys that ran around in shorts don't hit each other. And when they do, they get booked. They should learn how to play real football. But I'll tell you what, if Brett Favre played soccer, he'd make great passers Zinedine Zidane and Michel Platini look like American soccer players!" When EA sent him a fax telling that EA Sports' FIFA series is a bigger seller worldwide than Madden, Madden quickly backtracked. "Haha! Soccer is great! It's like BOOM and POW! A goal!"

Brown Town Blues (1-2) 101.13 - Blue (1-2) 55.42

In a battle of the colors, it was Brown Town Blues awarding Coach Bing Y with the game ball as he picks up his first Shark Tank victory with a decisive result over Blue. BTB got contributions all-around including 164 total yards and two touchdowns from the now-healthy Clinton Portis, two touchdowns from Darrell Jackson, and rookie wideout Greg Jennings continues to improve as he put up 101 receiving yards and his first touchdown.

Only Ladell Betts showed up for Blue as he accounted for nearly 30% of Blue's total with 151 total yards and a touchdown. Eli Manning had a horrible day until a late rally netted him and Blue some respectable numbers.

Speaking of colors, Madden was asked what his favorite color was. "Well, I mean, for many years it was silver and black. Those are the colors I won Super Bowl XI in. But both brown and blue are good colors. I mean, they're not as good as green and yellow because that's what Brett Favre wears. And green is nice because I don't really even do anything for the video game. Yet I still get all this money! I mean, I know football. But I don't know anything about video games! But money is money and football is football."

Dan (2-1) 57.03 - Woodchucks (1-2) 46.53

Speaking of Brett Favre, he led Team Dan to victory with 340 yards and three touchdown passes. It was an otherwise ordinary performance by Team Dan but Woodchucks were worse as only Shaun Alexander got into the endzone.

"You see, Brett Favre is still the greatest," said Madden. "And he's what great football is all about. I mean, he plays hard. Look at him jumping around. No one loves football and has the enthusiasm that Brett Favre has. I mean, HAHA, the guy just loves to play!"

However, Madden's tone turned serious when accused of the so-called Madden curse that in previous years has claimed Daunte Culpepper, Donovan McNabb, Marshall Faulk, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Dorsey Levens and Eddie George. Now Alexander is out indefinitely with a broken foot. "Hey! I don't know if there's a curse. But I used to be on the cover of the game. And ever since, the game has sold a lot better! And my Madden Cruiser hasn't crashed yet. So I mean, it's good stuff for me. And you know, I don't believe in curses. I just believe in BOOM, hard-nosed, smashmouth, Shark Tank football. And that what Madden is all about."