Shark Tank Football - Week 10 - Sponsored by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

We once again have a three-way tie atop the Shark Tank standings. Thanks to victories by Stewart's Just Stew It and Brent's HeHateShaq coupled with a loss by Kalvin's Tiki Torry Terrell, all three teams share first place with 7-3 records. TTT still has a slim lead on points in the race for the #1 seed. Rob's Gophirs continue their surge towards the top moving within one game of the leaders and the lower half of the standings got a little tighter with Week 10 in the Shark Tank. The standings:

 1  Tiki Torry Terrell      7-3     910.91

 2  Just Stew It            7-3     908.00

 3  HeHateShaq              7-3     886.73

 4  Ophir Gophirs           6-4     735.47

 5  Blue Power              5-5     885.87

 6  Shazaam!                4-6     814.42

 7  This Team Stinks        4-6     758.96

 8  THE JUNGERNAUT          4-6     729.84

 9  unDaunted               3-7     841.71

10  Err McNair              3-7     726.13

By popular demand, the Shark Tank was able to pull California governor Arnold Schwarzengger away from his busy schedule of running the state, negotiating gaming compacts with Indian tribes and petitioning for a Constitutional amendment to offer his comments on Week 10.

HeHateShaq 108.55 - Shazaam! 62.53

Brett Favre threw four touchdown passes and Nate Burleson had 152 yards and a score to lead HeHateShaq (7-3) to a convincing victory over the struggling Shazaam! (4-6). HeHateShaq regained a share of first place while Shazaam dropped their fourth out of their last five.

The HHS defense added a touchdown and a safety to bolster a solid offensive performance. Shazaam! got touchdown catches from Reggie Wayne and Jermaine Wiggins but also left their short yardage specialist, Jerome Bettis, on the bench. Shazaam!'s quarterback Matt Hasselbeck continues to struggle as his personal tailspin coincides with his team's losing stretch.

When asked whether Favre performed well, Schwarzenegger said, "Affirmative." Favre heard that and tried to coach the Governator on how to talk to the NFL press corps.

The three-time MVP said, "No, no, no! You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say 'affirmative' or 'negative' or stuff like that. You have to say 'no problemo.' And if someone in the press asks you a stupid question and comes off with an attitude, you say 'eat me.' And if you really want to shine them on, you say 'hasta la vista, baby.'"

Later on, Schwarzenegger was asked by HeHateShaq Coach Brent Liu whether the Shark Tank should retain the rookie rule. Schwarzenegger said, "I think it's a good rule. We value the contributions of the young players." Liu disagreed, "I HATE the rookie rule." Schwarzenegger would have none of it. "Hasta la vista, baby." He pulled out his rocket launcher, pointed it at the HeHateShaq training compound and torched it.

Upon seeing the wreckage Liu said, "Geez, thanks a lot."

To that, Schwarzenegger replied, "No problemo."

Ophir Gophirs 93.42 - This Team Stinks 84.98

Waiver wire acquisition and former This Team Stinks running back Derrick Blaylock had 224 total yards and a touchdown as the Gophirs (6-4) won their fifth straight game with a narrow victory over This Team Stinks (4-6). This is the second former This Team Stinks player that has come back to haunt his former team after Rod Gardner torched This Team Stinks in Week 8 with two touchdowns.

Deuce McAllister had 127 yards rushing and a touchdown. The Gophirs defense registered four sacks, two interceptions, two recovered fumbles and a touchdown. For This Team Stinks, quarterback Jake Delhomme had his second straight big game with three scoring passes and Kevan Barlow hit paydirt twice but it was not enough to overcome the balanced Ophir attack.

Schwarzenegger was critical of the performance of This Team Stinks. "Except for Delhomme and Barlow, the team played like a group of girlie men. You can't play football wearing a skirt and a tutu."

There has been much discussion of rules, rookies and legal matters at the Shark Tank water cooler the last several days. Schwarzenegger decided to campaign for the office of league commissioner and criticized the current leadership in the league. "There are too many special interest groups in the league office. There are too many kickbacks - diapers, cat food, toys that are affecting the governance of the league. The single people and those without children are being left behind because they cannot receive the benefits. If I am commissioner, I will turn the league away from a group of girlie men and pump… them up."

Things got testy for Schwarzenegger at the league office when he was asked what the difference between him and other league commissioners. He responded, "The difference is… I'm just going to kill them." At that moment, Schwarzenegger saw a raven flying by. He pulled out his shotgun and blew the raven into a million pieces. Schwarzenegger warned the league: "CAW THIS. This raven will never be seen again."

Just Stew It 101.41 - Tiki Torry Terrell 82.28

Wide receiver Joe Horn dialed up 167 receiving yards and a touchdown and Adam Vinatieri booted five field goals to move Just Stew It (7-3) into a first place tie with Tiki Torry Terrell (7-3) after a solid win between the two top teams in the Shark Tank.

Terrell Owens tried to rally TTT after a Monday night performance that saw him haul in three touchdown passes to give him a league-leading dozen. Tiki Barber had 160 yards and a touchdown but TTT was hurt by an injury to Torry Holt early in the game. Holt was hit hard coming across the middle and had to leave the game with a concussion though he was able to leave the field under his own power.

Injuries are a part of the game as Schwarzenegger reacted to the Holt injury. "Torry was fortunate he just had a concussion. Because even though I didn't go to medical school, I know a thing or two about injuries. Broken limbs, gunshot wounds, abrasions. All I know is that if it bleeds, we can kill it. Players, football teams, whatever."

Holt was feeling a little woozy after the game. Governor Schwarzenegger could relate. "He must have a pretty bad concussion. I can relate but I once thought, 'If I am not me, who the heck am I?' So concussions can cause some bad headaches which is probably what Torry has."

Holt, still not quite all there, responded to the Governator, "Maybe it's a tumor."

"IT'S NOT A TUMOR!"

Err McNair 79.72 - THE JUNGERNAUT 76.12

Err McNair went into Monday night's game with a 20+ point lead. THE JUNGERNAUT's Donovan McNabb threw four touchdown passes but Err McNair tight end Jason Witten had two touchdown receptions as Err McNair (3-7) held off the fading JUNGERNAUT (4-6) who have now lost five in a row.

Domanick Davis also scored twice for THE JUNGERNAUT while rookie sensation Michael Clayton had 90 yards receiving and a score. Josh Brown kicked four field goals. However, the big story is the absence of any activity since November 3 by THE JUNGERNAUT owner Byron Jung. The inactivity has raised eyebrows in Sacramento as some of those five consecutive losses may have been avoided had there been regular substitutions of inactive players.

Schwarzenegger likened Jung's inactivity to the Indian gaming crisis in California. "Our previous administration tried to negotiate these compacts but we started down this slippery slope. We need activity not inactivity. First, 2,000 slot machines. But now they have these video slot machines. They must stop or I will have to blow them up. The ongoing pacts must be TERMINATED. We need new agreements that promise the good people of California more money. We need that money especially since I am not raising any taxes. So I remind all of you to vote NO on 68 and NO on 70."

Schwarzenegger was told by an aide that Election Day was two weeks ago and neither 68 nor 70 came close to approval. The Governator seemed content. "The voters of California have spoken. California WILL BE BACK."

unDaunted 140.98 - Blue Power 124.14

unDaunted finally came out on top of a high-powered shootout. Daunte Culpepper's 363 yards and four touchdowns matched Peyton Manning's 320 yards, five touchdowns and two interceptions and Brian Westbrook's return sparked unDaunted (3-7) to the Shark Tank's largest single-week point total of the season as they outlasted Blue Power (5-5).

Muhsin Muhammad had three touchdown catches and Curtis Martin ran for two scores for the outgunned Blue Power. unDaunted got seven double-digit performances. Brandon Stokley and newly acquired T.J. Duckett had two touchdowns. Jimmy Smith and Alge Crumpler each broke for long touchdown catches as the team combined for 12 touchdowns including a 101 yard interception return on defense.

Schwarzenegger was supremely impressed by the two quarterbacks. The Shark Tank Football Blog was asked to compare Manning and Culpepper. The Governator watched both of them standing shirtless in a laboratory and gave his assessments.

Manning just started rambling. "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!" said Manning. He turned to an accountant in the room. "You're my favorite accountant! I have you on my fantasy team!"

Schwarzenegger responded, "He is a quarterback. A cybernetic organism. Living tissue under a metal endoskeleton. That's how he has able to not miss a start in eight years and be so productive."

He then turned to Culpepper and Schwarzenegger was amazed by his size, speed, agility and arm strength. We asked Schwarzenegger, "He's a quarterback too, right?"

The Governator said, "Not like Manning. A T-1100. Advanced prototype. A mimetic polyalloy."

"What does that mean?"

"Liquid metal. Culpepper can morph into anything it samples by physical contact. He and his counterpart Randy Moss form a cybermetallic bond that allows them to have touchdown passes and catches unlike anybody else."

"Whoa. This is deep. But what happened to Moss? He's been hurt the last few weeks."

"Hamstring injury. I was asked by all the other owners to acquire and terminate Moss. However, Commissioner Rob Chinn told me that I was not to kill anybody and I swore that I wouldn't. So when I acquired the target, I shot him in the upper leg and turned to Chinn and said, 'He'll live.'"

Chinn was hopeful that the Governator would learn the value of human life. "The luxury of hope was given to us by the Governator. Because if a governor can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too…."