Shark Tank Football - Week 9 - Sponsored by Charles Barkley
Well, the NBA season has started which means Charles Barkley from Inside the NBA is back on the air. But as viewers of the show surely know, Barkley will not limit his insightful, honest and pointed commentary to matters of the Association. He took time from his busy broadcast schedule, tee times and his Alabama gubernatorial campaign to present his opinions on Week 9 in the Shark Tank.
First, the Week 9 standings as every team has squared off against the others:
1 Tiki Torry Terrell 7-2 830.16
2 Just Stew It 6-3 806.59
3 HeHateShaq 6-3 778.18
4 Blue Power 5-4 761.73
5 Ophir Gophirs 5-4 642.05
6 Shazaam! 4-5 751.89
7 This Team Stinks 4-5 673.98
8 THE JUNGERNAUT 4-5 653.72
9 unDaunted 2-7 700.73
10 Err McNair 2-7 646.41
Tiki Torry Terrell 87.54 - HeHateShaq 73.50
In a match-up of two of the three 6-2 teams in the Shark Tank, TTT (7-2) took sole possession of first place as they continued to be the hottest team in the league as they won their third straight and seventh out of their last eight with a sound victory over HeHateShaq (6-3). Meanwhile, HeHateShaq drops into a second-place tie with Just Stew It but falls into the #3 position as they lost 27 points to Just Stew It in the points race.
TTT got solid performances across the board. Tiki Barber scored two more touchdowns and Torry Holt had 111 yards receiving and a score. Hines Ward added two touchdowns, one receiving and one rushing.
Ward playfully mocked Terrell Owens after scoring by doing Owens' bird dance. Ward placed the football on the turf, placed his right atop it and started flapping his arms. Ward was just funnin' T.O. "Yeah, I was just havin' a good time. It's a good thing he can score touchdowns otherwise he'd just be a bad dancer." Owens, who has given out his share of mockery this season kept his arms to himself after a quiet game. "I know who I am. I'm the most unselfish player on the team. I would never call out a teammate or a coach during a game and make a scene. That's not my style. I try to remain as understated as possible."
TTT overcame a curious benching of MVP candidate Drew Brees in favor of Aaron Brooks. Brooks only had 173 yards and one touchdown with an interception. Meanwhile, Brees fired four more touchdowns giving him 18 on the year and added 285 yards to his toteboard.
HeHateShaq got three more touchdown catches from stud tight end Antonio Gates and the return of Jamal Lewis helped… but not enough to overcome a strong performance by TTT. Vinny Testaverde not only laid an egg, the egg didn't have any yolk in it as the former Heisman Trophy winner had four turnovers.
Barkley was critical of HeHateShaq. "They not really that good. They do it with smoke and mirrors. They the most overrated team in the league. You can write that down. Their receivers are terrible and they have gotten lucky." When asked whether HeHateShaq had any redeeming qualities, Barkley said. "No."
Barkley continued when asked about TTT's decision to start Brooks over Brees. "Coach Sid made a bad choice startin' a brother over a white guy. That's fantasy football rule #1 - never start a black QB. Look at THE JUNGERNAUT - they did the same thing startin' Donovan McNabb and they lost. Always start a white guy at QB but not anywhere else except for kickers. How come there ain't no black kickers in the NFL? At least there are some good black soccer players like Thierry Henry and Edgar Davids. But they ain't American."
This Team Stinks 112.21 - unDaunted 58.43
This Team Stinks (4-5) rebounded from a loss to win their third in their last four with a convincing win over the fading unDaunted (2-7).
Waiver wire pickups Jake Delhomme and Shayne Graham each contributed to This Team Stinks' impressive total. Delhomme threw for 299 yards and three touchdowns while Graham kicked four field goals. Michael Pittman had 158 combined yards and three scores and the defense scored their fourth touchdown of the year.
The defeat could've been worse had This Team Stinks started Darrell Jackson who scored twice. "I was told he was out by my inside sources in Seattle," said Coach Elijah Liao. "But they LIED to me. Lying is wrong. So there."
Barkley did not totally agree with Liao's assessment of morality. "Man, that Elijah is stupid. We all stupid. But what he said is really dumb. Lying is only lying if he get caught. If he stupid enough to get caught, he deserves to be punished. President Clinton did something men do all the time but he was stupid to get busted. But man, did you see those chicks he with? Man, they a bunch of dogs. C'mon Bill! You could've done better than that! You were the president! And like me, he was no role model either."
Ophir Gophirs 105.47 - Just Stew It 100.88
Marvin Harrison, who had six catches for 81 yards, did just enough on Monday night to inch the Gophirs (5-4) to a close win ahead of Just Stew It (6-3). Despite a very slow start and the smallest point total in the Shark Tank, the Gophirs have rallied to win their fourth in a row and move into the #5 position in the standings. Meanwhile, Just Stew It's second straight loss dropped them one game behind Tiki Torry Terrell into second place.
The Gophirs continued to show improvement as they flashed consistently up and down the lineup. Trent Green led the way with three touchdown passes and Willis McGahee continued his hot streak with his third straight 100-yard game. Ashley Lelie and Jeremy Shockey each had touchdown receptions.
Just Stew It got two touchdown runs and 160 yards from Shaun Alexander and even a touchdown pass from kicker Adam Vinatieri. However, the abysmal performances by Keyshawn Johnson and Joe Horn proved to be costly as Just Stew It came up short.
Barkley commented how lucky the Gophirs are. "They don't deserve to be in the playoffs. They just stink. They terrible. The offense is terrible. Their defense is terrible and their special teams stink more than Kenny Smith's sneakers. I'll tell you what. If the Gophirs win the whole thing, I will personally kiss Kenny Smith's you-know-what."
Smith would not let that statement go uncontested. "Hey! You heard it here first! But you know what? The Gophirs didn't break 77 points the first seven weeks but have eclipsed 100 each of the last two. They for real. It's all about how you play at the end of the season. I can't wait until Charles gets to kiss my donkey again."
Shazaam! 61.14 - THE JUNGERNAUT 44.31
Two struggling teams, each coming in with three-game losing streaks. Something had to give. It was Shazaam! (4-5) snapping their three-game skid with a mediocre performance overcoming a terrible effort by THE JUNGERNAUT (4-5) who have now dropped four straight.
Neither team did much of anything. Edgerrin James had 179 total yards but Reggie Wayne scored the only touchdown for Shazaam! THE JUNGERNAUT got two touchdown runs from Domanick Davis but for the second week in a row, quarterback Jake Plummer threw four touchdown passes… from the bench.
"That was just a pathetic game," said Barkley. "That's like TNT sending me to watch a preseason game between the Clippers and the Warriors. Who the heck wants to watch that crap? They may as well start thinkin' about goin' fishin' already. I know the season's only half over but those teams are terrible. Why do we show highlights of this game? Nobody cares. Instead of wasting everyone's time talkin' about this game, let's talk about my new book. It'll be out next year and it'll be a heck of a lot better than stupid football. This ain't even real football. Why am I here anyway?"
Blue Power 99.06 - Err McNair 71.11
Blue Power (5-4) got four more touchdown passes from Peyton Manning to cruise to an easy win over Err McNair (2-7). Err McNair fell into a last place tie with unDaunted, both teams two games out of the eighth and final playoff spot.
Larry Fitzgerald and Tony Gonzalez each had touchdown catches and the return of suspended running back Onterrio Smith lifted Blue to their second straight win. Meanwhile, Clinton Portis is now officially the best quarterback on Err McNair as he fired a touchdown pass and ran for 147 yards in a losing effort.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home