Shark Tank Football - Week 14 and Playoff Preview
Well, the regular season is thankfully over and the winner is… SCENARIO #4! Well, not quite because Brent did end up winning but thanks to wins by Byron over Willie, Rob over Kal and the big one, Aaron over Laurie, #4 was the end result.
Here are the final regular season standings:
Rk Team W-L Total Avg/Rk
1* Just Stew It 11-3 1351.33 96.52 (1)
2* HeHateShaq 10-4 1214.73 86.77 (4)
3* Tiki Torry Terrell 8-6 1212.05 86.58 (5)
4* Ophir Gophirs 8-6 1156.12 82.58 (7)
5* Blue Power 7-7 1251.28 89.38 (2)
6* Shazaam! 7-7 1200.21 85.73 (6)
7* THE JUNGERNAUT 7-7 1130.77 80.77 (8)
8* unDaunted 5-9 1245.77 88.98 (3)
9 This Team Stinks 4-10 1059.23 75.66 (9)
10 Err McNair 3-11 1024.60 73.16 (10)
Well, no limericks this week. And I thought about interviewing Scott Peterson as he prepares to move into his suite in San Quentin but he had no comment and didn't show any emotion when I asked him about it. He did ask me if I wanted to go fishing back at my old stomping grounds at the Berkeley Marina but I politely declined. So anyway, here are the final summaries:
(11-3) Just Stew It 112.45
(3-11) Err McNair 87.68
Drew Bennett scored three more times and caught 233 yards' of passes to lead Just Stew It to their fifth straight win and the #1 seed going into the playoffs. Bennett now has 457 yards and six touchdowns over the last two weeks. Running backs Corey Dillon and Shaun Alexander each scored and Todd Heap showed that he is recovered from early season injury problems with two touchdown receptions. Despite rookie Ben Roethlisberger's negative performance, the end result was another easy win. Stewart also got great efforts from those he didn't start and will have to make a decision on whether to start Roethlisberger in the playoffs or go with Tom Brady and use the red hot Lee Evans as his rookie.
For Err McNair, Clinton Portis scored twice and rookie Mark Clayton had 145 yards receiving and a touchdown. Nick Goings continued to provide a late-season spark but it was too little too late as Dan is now on the clock for the 2005 draft.
(10-4) HeHateShaq 79.23
(4-10) This Team Stinks 77.16
Brent couldn't even throw me a bone in the final week. Having already clinched the #2 seed, HeHateShaq decided to rub it in my face with a late rally thanks to Larry Johnson's two Monday night touchdowns to edge This Team Stinks.
Grandmama showed some incredible spryness considering he was an injury-plagued Knick for the last few years of his NBA career. But apparently he's reinvented himself as a running back. Who knew? Johnson had only seven carries but he went for 104 yards and two long touchdown runs. Rookie Kevin Jones had 156 yards and a score and Mike Vanderjagt benefited from the Colts' rare inability to push the ball in with three field goals.
Meanwhile, Darrell Jackson shook off the death of his father to post his best game of the year: 10 catches, 135 yards and a touchdown. No one else ran or caught a touchdown pass. The defense put up a big number thanks to six takeaways but the game was a microcosm for the pathetic season that This Team Stinks had.
Brent now goes on to the playoffs as the solid #2 seed and will match up against the suddenly hot JUNGERNAUT in the first round in what is sure to be a grudge match if for no other reason, I said it's a grudge match. Whether there's an actual grudge being held is beside the point. I'm the writer and I can say what I want. Oh, and Donovan McNabb is on the other side.
(8-6) Ophir Gophirs 110.63
(8-6) Tiki Torry Terrell 58.87
This was a good, old-fashioned, back-of-the-barn butt-whuppin'. Willis McGahee and Deuce McAllister each had two touchdown runs and Trent Green fired three touchdown passes as the Gophirs routed TTT to pull into a third-place tie in the standings. Kal still gets the #3 seed on total points and will square off against Aaron's Shazaam! in Round One. Rob continues his late-season hot streak and will face #5 Willie in the first round.
Torry Holt had 151 yards receiving and a touchdown but the other two in the triumvirate that forms the team's name struggled. Terrell Owens had a quiet 46 yards and a fumble in the red zone. Tiki Barber did score but continues to post subpar numbers thanks to the inability of rookie Eli Manning to quarterback the Giants. Late season pickup Maurice Hicks ran well with 139 yards and a touchdown from the bench and will likely be in the starting lineup for the playoffs.
(7-7) THE JUNGERNAUT 104.56
(7-7) Blue Power 84.51
This is what happens when Peyton Manning throws only two touchdown passes. Blue Power fell to the #5 playoff position as they stumble into the playoffs on a two-game losing streak. Muhsin Muhammad continues his fine season with another touchdown reception and receiver Johnnie Morton was a part of the Monday night offensive outburst. But a critical mistake was playing the Bengals defense against the World Champion Patriots and benching the Chargers defense against the Buccaneers offense. The Bolts had four takeaways, three sacks and a defensive touchdown. It still would not have covered the 20-point margin of victory.
For Byron's team, they are getting healthy and productive at the right time as they have won three out of their last four. David Patten has been a nice find for THE JUNGERNAUT as he had another touchdown and LaDainian Tomlinson continues to justify his #2 overall selection. Domanick Davis scored again and had 201 yards from scrimmage.
Blue Power will face the Gophirs and THE JUNGERNAUT gets HeHateShaq in the playoffs.
(7-7) Shazaam! 84.71
(5-9) unDaunted 74.92
The hot and cold, Jekyll and Hyde, schizophrenic season for unDaunted continues as Shazaam! made everyone but Stewart happy with a surprising victory. Aaron ends up with the #6 seed and a first round date with former roommate Kalvin. Laurie finishes with the eighth and final playoff spot and gets the opportunity to tame Just Stew It in her playoff matchup.
It was close going into the Monday night game and it appeared that Chris Brown's availability would swing the game. Brown shook off a bad case of turf toe to run for 91 yards and score a touchdown. Derrick Mason also caught a critical touchdown pass to ensure Aaron his seventh victory and send Laurie to her ninth loss. The big performer for Shazaam! was the Buffalo defense with eight sacks and five takeaways against the hapless Cleveland Browns offense which mustered all of 17 yards of total offense. The game could have been a blowout if Aaron played his regulars as Jerome Bettis ran in another and also tied Eli Manning with his first touchdown pass of the year.
The inconsistency of unDaunted continues. For awhile, it appeared that Randy Moss' late interception against the Seahawks would provide the losing margin negating another 100-yard performance. Culpepper only had one touchdown pass as well. The question for the playoffs is which unDaunted will show up. The one that can blast opponents into oblivion or the one that goes down with a whimper. We shall see.
PLAYOFF PREVIEW
The analysis below is for amusement only. If you are dumb enough to rely on what I have to say, you deserve to lose. So without further ado...
#1 Just Stew It: 11-3, 1st; 1351.33 (96.52 avg), 1st
#8 unDaunted: 5-9, 8th; 1245.77 (88.98 avg), 3rd
Week 7: Just Stew It def. unDaunted, 60.50-54.70
Projected Starting Lineups:
| Just Stew It | Pos | unDaunted |
| Tom Brady
| QB | Daunte Culpepper
|
| Joe Horn
| WR | Jimmy Smith
|
| Drew Bennett
| WR | Brandon Stokley
|
| Lee Evans
| WR | Randy Moss
|
| Shaun Alexander
| RB | Reuben Droughns
|
| Corey Dillon
| RB | Brian Westbrook
|
| Fred Taylor
| WR/
| Julius Jones
|
| Todd Heap
| TE | Alge Crumpler
|
| Adam Vinatieri
| K | Lawrence Tynes
|
| New England Patriots
| DEF | Philadelphia Eagles
|
Stewart has a tough decision to make. Ben Roethlisberger has served him well as his rookie but he's struggled in recent weeks and faces the Giants this weekend. If Roethlisberger plays, Fred Taylor or Keyshawn Johnson can start at the flex position. However, Taylor has to go to the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field and may struggle in the wintry weather whereby Johnson would have to go against the tough Eagles defense. Meanwhile, Lee Evans has six touchdowns and is getting a larger role in the sudden offensive juggernaut that is the Buffalo Bills. Stewart could start Evans at the flex position and go with the reliable Tom Brady at Miami in presumably nice weather against a respectable but tired Dolphins defense. That's my projected lineup with Taylor but it is up in the air.
With Evans in there, there is no weakness in the lineup which explains why Stewart was far and away the best team in the Shark Tank. Todd Heap is healthy again and gives Stewart a top 3 quality tight end. Drew Bennett, the NFL's hottest receiver, faces the woeful Raiders defense in Oakland. This team looks like a strong favorite to go all the way and become the first Shark Tank team to win the regular season and the playoffs.
Which goes to show the unpredictable nature of these playoffs. Some may not think the system is fair - that one fluky loss to a #8 seed undoes 14 weeks' worth of solid work. But that's the challenge Laurie faces with her up and down unDaunted. If Daunte Culpepper hits Randy Moss for a couple scores against a pathetic Lions defense, the duo can easily surpass 50 points between them. They face a Lions pass defense in the middle of the pack in yardage but has allowed 24 touchdowns, tied for fifth worst in the NFL. With the injury to Tatum Bell, Reuben Droughns is the clear #1 starter in Denver and gets a favorable matchup against the Chiefs. The Chiefs have allowed 15 rushing touchdowns, tied for sixth-worst in the league. Brian Westbrook has been extremely productive and gets the Cowboys and should have plenty of holes thanks to Donovan McNabb and the likelihood of a big lead after halftime which will result in a lot of second half carries.
What's likely to happen: Unlike their Week 7 tilt, both teams are likely to surpass 100 points. However, Just Stew It has some tougher matchups as all their starters will be playing on the road. Brandon Stokley will probably be neutralized by the Ravens defense but guys like Culpepper, Moss, Westbrook can have big games. Rookie Julius Jones has been good but gets the Eagles and may not see much action if Dallas falls behind. Stewart's guys are just too good averaging 107 points the past six weeks. Stewart could have had about 140 points last week instead of 112.45 if he started Brady and Evans instead of Roethlisberger and Johnson which is why Brady and Evans are in my projected lineup this week.
The call: Just Stew It becomes the Shark Tank's first #1 seed to win its first round playoff game, 129-103.
#2 HeHateShaq: 10-4, 2nd; 1214.73 (86.77 avg), 4th
#7 THE JUNGERNAUT: 7-7, t-5th; 1130.77 (80.77 avg), 8th
Week 7: HeHateShaq def. THE JUNGERNAUT, 101.84-63.64
Projected Starting Lineups:
| HeHateShaq | Pos | THE JUNGERNAUT |
| Brett Favre
| QB | Donovan McNabb
|
| Eric Moulds
| WR | Rod Smith
|
| Chris Chambers
| WR | Reggie Williams
|
| Anquan Boldin
| WR | David Patten
|
| Kevin Jones
| RB | LaDainian Tomlinson
|
| Jamal Lewis
| RB | Warrick Dunn
|
| Emmitt Smith
| WR/
| Domanick Davis
|
| Antonio Gates
| TE | Marcus Pollard
|
| Mike Vanderjagt
| K | David Akers
|
| Chicago Bears
| DEF | Tampa Bay Buccaneers
|
Brent may boast the league's second best record but is only fourth in total points. Fortunately, he's facing Byron's THE JUNGERNAUT, the team with the fewest points of any playoff qualifier. Byron features a some red hot players in quarterback Donovan McNabb, who gets to face the sieve-like Cowboys defense (26 pass TDs allowed, fourth worst) and LaDainian Tomlinson faces the Browns who are second to last against the run and have allowed 19 rushing touchdowns this year, most in the NFL. Rod Smith draws a Chiefs secondary that last in the NFL against the pass and has given up 27 touchdowns, next to last behind Houston's 31.
Meanwhile, Brent has problems at wide receiver as he doesn't have anyone ranked in the top 20 in points. However, Eric Moulds has had a late season surge and Chambers seems to have settled in with A.J. Feeley in Miami. While Moulds faces a Bengals defense that was lit up by Tom Brady last week, Chambers gets the ball-hawking Patriots. Rookie Kevin Jones is a good play against the Vikings but Brett Favre faces the stubborn Jaguars.
Antonio Gates has been the surprising #1 tight end and may prove to be the difference in this matchup. The Browns are much better against the pass than the run but that may be because that they fall so far behind, teams run the ball more than pass late in games. The health of Jamal Lewis is still a question mark as Brent has to decide between a questionable Lewis and Larry Johnson who, while explosive, is stuck behind Derrick Blaylock. The decision is problematic: Lewis faces the Colts and if Peyton Manning lights up the Ravens defense (unlikely but possible), the Ravens may have to abandon the running game and throw it. Meanwhile, the Broncos have been stout against the run as they have given up only 96.7 yards per game, fifth in the NFL.
What's likely to happen: Tomlinson and McNabb go bonkers against weak defenses. Davis and Smith will also have big games and THE JUNGERNAUT will likely surpass 100 points. HeHateShaq has too many tough matchups and a questionable receiving corps aside from Gates. Gates may get a touchdown catch but the Chargers will hand the ball to LT again and again and again.
And again. This one could be ugly.
The call: THE JUNGERNAUT in an upset, 106-75.
#3 Tiki Torry Terrell: 8-6, t-3rd; 1212.05 (86.58), 5th
#6 Shazaam!: 7-7, t-5th; 1200.21 (85.73), 6th
Week 2: Tiki Torry Terrell def. Shazaam!, 111.31-107.07
Week 11: Shazaam! def. Tiki Torry Terrell, 96.76-76.32
Projected Starting Lineups:
| Tiki Torry Terrell | Position | Shazaam! |
| Drew Brees
| QB | Matt Hasselbeck
|
| Terrell Owens
| WR | Reggie Wayne
|
| Hines Ward
| WR | Derrick Mason
|
| Torry Holt
| WR | Roy Williams
|
| Rudi Johnson
| RB | Edgerrin James
|
| Maurice Hicks
| RB | Chris Brown
|
| Bernard Berrian
| WR/RB | Jerome Bettis
|
| Chris Cooley
| TE | Jermaine Wiggins
|
| Jason Hanson
| K | Jason Elam
|
| Indianapolis Colts
| DEF | Buffalo Bills
|
It has come to this for Kal: he may have to play new 49ers starter Maurice Hicks over early season MVP candidate Tiki Barber. None of his running backs look like good plays. Hicks had a big game last week although that was against the Cardinals. This week's assignment is a little more difficult - the Redskins who are third in the league against the run and held Brian Westbrook in check last week. But Barber may be no better as he faces the Steelers defense which has allowed only four rushing touchdowns all year. It's likely neither Barber nor Hicks would be productive. That being said, Barber should probably play because against tough defenses, I always go with the superior player and that's Tiki. But at press time, Hicks was in and Barber was out. Meanwhile, Rudi Johnson goes against the Bills who have also allowed only four rushing touchdowns all year, tied with Pittsburgh for fewest in the NFL.
Drew Brees gets the Browns defense which may be a blessing or a curse - it all depends on the Chargers' game plan. More than likely, they will focus on the run which means a big game for Tomlinson and not as much for Brees. Brees is likely to have a solid game but it may not be spectacular. The receivers have decent matchups and Brian Berrian hopes to be a surprise as he goes against the Texans, the league's worst passing defense when it comes to receiving touchdowns allowed with 31. H-back Chris Cooley has become one of Patrick Ramsey's favorite targets in Joe Gibbs' ridiculously conservative offense.
Aaron's Shazaam! also has tough sledding ahead as his Colts duo of Edgerrin James and Reggie Wayne get Ray Lewis and the Ravens. Matt Hasselbeck has been maddeningly inconsistent and gets a tough Jets defense. Aaron will need his Titans to have a big game against the Raiders. However, Derrick Mason has become second fiddle to Drew Bennett as Billy Volek's favorite target. Chris Brown continues to battle the turf toe that his limited his action.
What's likely to happen: Neither team looks like they will score big this week. The two teams were in the middle of the pack in scoring. This could be a game in the 70s or 80s and whichever team gets the most surprising performance will likely emerge victorious.
The call: [Flips coin...] Shazaam! in a tight one, 79-72.
#4 Ophir Gophirs: 8-6, t-3rd; 1156.12 (82.58 avg), 7th
#5 Blue Power: 7-7, t-5th; 1251.28 (86.81 avg), 2nd
Week 2: Blue Power def. Ophir Gophirs, 77.39-45.14
Week 11: Blue Power def. Ophir Gophirs, 103.75-102.84
Projected Starting Lineups:
| Ophir Gophirs | Pos | Blue Power |
| Trent Green
| QB | Peyton Manning
|
| Marvin Harrison
| WR | Larry Fitzgerald
|
| Isaac Bruce
| WR | Muhsin Muhammad
|
| Ashley Lelie
| WR | Johnnie Morton
|
| Willis McGahee
| RB | Curtis Martin
|
| Deuce McAllister
| RB | Duce Staley
|
| Derrick Blaylock
| WR/
| Onterrio Smith
|
| Jeremy Shockey
| TE | Tony Gonzalez
|
| Nate Kaeding
| K | Ryan Longwell
|
| Pittsburgh Steelers
| DEF | San Diego Chargers
|
This game is more than just Peyton Manning. Thanks to the second half surges of Marvin Harrison and Willis McGahee, Rob is among the hotter teams coming into the playoffs having won seven of nine averaging 104 points over the last seven weeks. While Willie's Blue Power has been great at times, they have only averaged 87 points the last three weeks.
Blue Power is a three-man show at the moment: Manning, Muhsin Muhammad and Curtis Martin. Manning has to face the Ravens which may limit him to only two touchdowns instead of his usual three-plus. Muhammad goes against the stingy Falcons defense that is either great or awful. Martin should have a decent game against a mediocre Seahawks run defense. Tony Gonzalez only has five touchdowns this year despite all the yardage as the Chiefs are running the ball into the endzone with amazing frequency. However, the Chiefs face the Broncos, one of the best in the league against the run but average against the pass. The rest of Blue Power is littered with question marks. Duce Staley hasn't been 100% all year and even if he were, he isn't getting the short yardage carries at the goal line. Larry Fitzgerald and Johnnie Morton are inconsistent while Willie is hoping that the Chargers defense can have a performance against the Browns offense that the Bills had last week.
Meanwhile, Rob has McGahee, who may be the best running back the second half of the season. Derrick Blaylock has stepped in nicely for Priest Holmes as the KC offense has not missed a beat. The Gophirs do have some difficult matchups as Harrison will probably see a lot of Chris McAlister at cornerback. The Steelers defense get to enjoy 60 minutes against Eli Manning, he of the 33.8 quarterback rating, one touchdown and six picks in six starts. Should be a good game for the defense. Ashley Lelie has also become Jake Plummer's favorite scoring target and will have a field day going against the Chiefs passing defense that gave up four touchdowns to Billy Volek and the Titans last Monday night.
What's likely to happen: Manning and Harrison may end up neutralizing each other and Blue Power's success may depend on how many passes and scores Manning can complete to everyone else. But Harrison has again become Manning's favorite scoring target as Marvin has 10 touchdowns in his last eight games after a slow start. While there are no sure things in football, the Gophirs have a lot of players I am extremely confident will produce: McGahee, Bruce, Lelie, Deuce McAllister, kicker Nate Kaeding and the Steelers defense. I can't say there are too many players on Blue Power, even Manning, that inspire the same level of hope.
The call: The Gophirs big, 115-83.
