Shark Tank Football - Week 3 - The Return of John Madden

John Madden made a cameo appearance in this humble little blog back in 2004 . Well, with word that Shaun Alexander is the latest to be afflicted by the Madden curse, the big guy with the big bus decided to stop by, defend his critics, and of course, share about his man-crush on Brett Favre.

First, the standings after Week 3:

Rk  Team                   W-L  Total    Avg  Strk
 1  I Pick Donte' Again    3-0  253.63  84.54   W3
 2  www.HughHewitt.com     3-0  191.94  63.98   W3
 3  SBXL Chumps            2-1  254.86  84.95   W2
 4  Cambridge Gooners FC   2-1  219.03  73.01   L1
 5  Dan                    2-1  215.52  71.84   W1
 6  Ram Tuff part 2        1-2  230.62  76.87   L2
 7  Brown Town Blues       1-2  224.78  74.93   W1
 8  Ophir Gophirs          1-2  199.19  66.40   L1
 9  Flying pigskins        1-2  191.96  63.99   W1
10  Blue                   1-2  182.67  60.89   L2
11  Woodchucks             1-2  180.04  60.01   L1
12  the Jungernaut         0-3  140.92  46.98   L3

I Pick Donte' .. Again (3-0) 77.09 - Ophir Gophirs (1-2) 67.21

Wow, score one for the Yahoo projections. Yahoo just about nailed this result in terms of the total. Of course, they were a wee bit off on the individual predictions. But fantasy football is a team game and Keyshawn Johnson made up for the late scratch of Donte' Stallworth with 101 total yards and two touchdowns, one rushing and one receiving, to keep IPDA undefeated at the expense of Ophir Gophirs.

IPDA also got 125 yards and a touchdown from Kevin Jones and another solid effort from the Ravens defense to make up for Stallworth's hamstring injury and the beatdown suffered by Michael Vick on Monday night. Coach Brent L was ecstatic to remain perfect. "I realized this week was a team effort. And because we have Donte', I learned that as long as he's in the lineup, we're going to win, even if he doesn't play. We're undefeated with Stallworth!"

Meanwhile, Yahoo's individual predictions for the Gophirs were far more accurate to the dismay of Coach Rob C. Tom Brady threw for 320 yards but only one touchdown to help pace a mediocre Gophirs result.

Coach Madden, who has spent all his career evoking Brett Favre's karma has finally come to realize that Tom Brady is not all that far off. But he wouldn't go as far as to say Brady is as good. "Brady is just a great player," Madden said. "I mean, he's even pretty close to Favre but not quite as good as Brett Favre!" When told that Brady has three rings compared to Favre's one, Madden guffawed. "We'll see how long it takes Favre to catch up. I bet he can win two this year all by himself! And he really is by himself this year. Did you see how the Packers did behind Favre this week?"

Flying Pigskins (1-2) 70.53 - Ram Tuff part 2 (1-2) 62.21

I gots to say - I'm looking at these results and I can't get over how close some of these Yahoo projections turned out to be. For Flying Pigskins, they get off the schneid with a come-from-behind victory over Ram Tuff 2.0. Yahoo missed the Pigskins' total by less than a point and while Yahoo missed Ram Tuff's projection by a little more, they were within Donovan McNabb's point total by less than a passing yard.

Anyway, Willie Parker had 133 yards rushing and two touchdowns and Mark Brunell completed 22 consecutive passes to more than offset a rather quiet Sunday from Chad Johnson and Reggie Bush. Coach Kalvin S said, "Oh me of little faith!" Not that anyone had questioned his team's ability to win. Have some confidence, man! When was the last time you saw John Madden not confident? Madden said, "I mean, you've got a good team. No Brett Favre but you've got some good players!"

For Aaron L's Ram Tuff, they drop their second straight game despite strong efforts from McNabb who threw for 296 yards and two scores and Edgerrin James who ran for 94 and also scored. The Edge was a little angry because he wants the ball more. "I only had 24 carries and we lost by eight points," James said. Coach Aaron said that he had more pressing matters at hand, "Hey! You try to coach a bunch of dysfunctional crybabies and try to prepare for a kid! Actually... hehe!" Asked whether he may have to take paternity leave, Aaron said, "Nah, I'll just let the players call their own plays."

www.hughhewitt.com (3-0) 76.88 - the Jungernaut (0-3) 51.33

HH.com took advantage of two empty roster spots in the Jungernaut's lineup to run their record to 3-0. Coach Warren C got three touchdowns and 164 yards from Brian Westbrook and five takeaways by the Bengals defense as HH.com is still a candidate for the annual $1 million trophy named after Gaston Green, Abdul-Karim al-Jabbar, Skip Hicks, DeShaun Foster, Maurice Jones-Drew for going undefeated in league play.

Warren decided to take an early sabbatical by going to the Land Down Under to celebrate his team's victory. "Some teams have a bye week already and so we decided just to spend a few days relaxing in Sydney." But he is very wary about letting some of his players participate in some of Oz's fun activities - nothing that would jeopardize his chances of Shark Tank conquest. "We don't let them go into the water because they may get stung by a stingray or attacked by a shark. We don't let them go skydiving or bungee jumping because, well, they might die. And that would make it difficult to win games."

The Jungernaut was stuck with a bunch of players that all had byes at the same time. Figuring this is a long season, Coach Byron J decided to rest up some of his guys and look forward. "I think my team needed to just sit and watch for a week, like rookie quarterbacks. Speaking of rookie quarterbacks, I'm just waiting for Matt Leinart to get the starting call. But apparently, it's just a matter of time before he plays and we will conquer you all!"

Speaking of Leinart, Madden was asked about the former Heisman winner's future. "Well, he's got a shot. But he's left-handed. And most good quarterbacks are right-handed… like Brett Favre! In fact, I'll bet that Favre can do just as well throwing left-handed as he does right-handed! Wouldn't that surprise the defense! Favre back to pass and BOOM! He switches hands and throws the other way. Only Favre could do that!"

When told that the reason most good quarterbacks are right-handed is because… well, there are more right-handed people, Madden scoffed. "If that were true, they should make game controllers left-handed. But I mean, when I play, it's like I have three thumbs! How do you turn on this XBOX 360 thing anyway? And what's this Wii thing that's coming out?"

SBXL Chumps (née Champs) (2-1) 77.42 - Cambridge Gooners FC (2-1) 71.01

Peyton Manning ran for his first touchdown in four years and the returns of starting wide receivers Steve Smith and T.J. Houshmandzadeh propelled SBXL to their second straight win while at the same time, snapping Gooners FC's long winning streak dating back to last season.

Smith and Houshmandzadeh combined for 206 yards and two touchdowns. Rookie receiver/tight end Marques Colston, continues to give SBXL Chumps the best value of any rookie as he had another fine game with 97 yards. For Gooners, the receiving corps of Roy Williams, Javon Walker and Andre Johnson combined for 420 yards and three touchdowns. But thanks to four, count 'em FOUR turnovers by Kurt Warner, Gooners lost for the first time.

Warner's fourth quarter performance was particularly galling to Gooners supporters outside their new stadium. Riot police needed to be summoned after hundreds of fans hung Warner in effigy and blocked his way out until he agreed to not play anymore. On Monday night, Gooners manager Andy J would have none of it despite reports that backup Drew Brees would play next week. "He's out best quarterback and he's going to play." However, on Tuesday morning, Andy had changed his mind and dropped Brees and will start newly acquired David Carr.

Andy was also asked about his running backs. "I like Ronnie Brown, Willis McGahee and Corey Dillon. But I'm a little disappointed about 'T. Henry.' I thought I was getting Thierry Henry who scores at least once a week. Turns out, I got Travis Henry instead. Wrong football, I suppose."

Surprisingly enough, Madden is not a fan of the other football. "That's not smashmouth anything. You've got wussy guys that ran around in shorts don't hit each other. And when they do, they get booked. They should learn how to play real football. But I'll tell you what, if Brett Favre played soccer, he'd make great passers Zinedine Zidane and Michel Platini look like American soccer players!" When EA sent him a fax telling that EA Sports' FIFA series is a bigger seller worldwide than Madden, Madden quickly backtracked. "Haha! Soccer is great! It's like BOOM and POW! A goal!"

Brown Town Blues (1-2) 101.13 - Blue (1-2) 55.42

In a battle of the colors, it was Brown Town Blues awarding Coach Bing Y with the game ball as he picks up his first Shark Tank victory with a decisive result over Blue. BTB got contributions all-around including 164 total yards and two touchdowns from the now-healthy Clinton Portis, two touchdowns from Darrell Jackson, and rookie wideout Greg Jennings continues to improve as he put up 101 receiving yards and his first touchdown.

Only Ladell Betts showed up for Blue as he accounted for nearly 30% of Blue's total with 151 total yards and a touchdown. Eli Manning had a horrible day until a late rally netted him and Blue some respectable numbers.

Speaking of colors, Madden was asked what his favorite color was. "Well, I mean, for many years it was silver and black. Those are the colors I won Super Bowl XI in. But both brown and blue are good colors. I mean, they're not as good as green and yellow because that's what Brett Favre wears. And green is nice because I don't really even do anything for the video game. Yet I still get all this money! I mean, I know football. But I don't know anything about video games! But money is money and football is football."

Dan (2-1) 57.03 - Woodchucks (1-2) 46.53

Speaking of Brett Favre, he led Team Dan to victory with 340 yards and three touchdown passes. It was an otherwise ordinary performance by Team Dan but Woodchucks were worse as only Shaun Alexander got into the endzone.

"You see, Brett Favre is still the greatest," said Madden. "And he's what great football is all about. I mean, he plays hard. Look at him jumping around. No one loves football and has the enthusiasm that Brett Favre has. I mean, HAHA, the guy just loves to play!"

However, Madden's tone turned serious when accused of the so-called Madden curse that in previous years has claimed Daunte Culpepper, Donovan McNabb, Marshall Faulk, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Dorsey Levens and Eddie George. Now Alexander is out indefinitely with a broken foot. "Hey! I don't know if there's a curse. But I used to be on the cover of the game. And ever since, the game has sold a lot better! And my Madden Cruiser hasn't crashed yet. So I mean, it's good stuff for me. And you know, I don't believe in curses. I just believe in BOOM, hard-nosed, smashmouth, Shark Tank football. And that what Madden is all about."

Shark Tank Football - Week 2 - The Return of the Recaps featuring Popeye

I feel like I need to explain myself. I decided not to do fantasy football this year because my heart wasn't in it. Rumor even has it that I won't do fantasy baseball anymore (there may be a hint of truth to that). And if you ask me honestly, I don't miss it. I totally forgot the NFL was on while I was watching the Padres/Dodgers game Sunday afternoon. "Oh right! There's football on Sundays now - it's fall."

But like all washed-up athletes, they have dreams of coaching or broadcasting or somehow, staying involved in the game that brought them so much. Well, fantasy football has enough blowhards on FSN, ESPN and other sports networks telling you stuff that you already know. Most of them aren't really experts - they just got lucky. Well, I didn't want to stoop to that. So I decided to turn in my fantasy football manager keys for a hand at hard-core journalism. Yes, I am now an objective observer in the Stinkier League (a.k.a. The Shark Tank).

And now there's clamoring at least for me to do these weekly recaps. "Hogwash," I said. My excuse? I can't view the league info anymore to gather information for 2,000 word drivel like this. Well, thanks to generosity (or the punishment) of Matt L, I now have the keys and can now view the league data.

So between flipping between ESPN SportsCenter to watch Chris Berman stumble and bumble over more highlights and Stuart Scott doing some melodramatic interview with some guy in the Monday Night Game that had a troubled past and is recovering from something - injury or personal, I can gather enough data to do these write-ups. I don't promise one every week.

But I can't do this alone. That's right, I need a foil. I'm not a funny guy by myself. Like Michael Chang and Rafael Nadal, I'm a counterpuncher - I rely on the mistakes of others. Fortunately, you guys have made plenty. I know I was my own best foil last year. So along with the 12 of you, I'll have to create another one. And this week, who better to call upon than Popeye!

No, not that Popeye - though I'm sure he'd have plenty to say too. But the original Popeye, the Sailor Man!

And he's in a foul mood. After all, ever since immigrating to America from… well, I don't know where he's from, but that ain't no American accent he got, he's lived on a diet of spinach and Olive Oyl. Popeye was doing just fine until Monday when the FDA expanded it's spinach warning from only bagged spinach to now include all fresh spinach. Popeye has become a bitter-piped man since the bagged spinach wave pushed out many manufacturers of canned spinach and more and more people shun the canned product for the so-called fresh stuff. His own spinach line had seen sales drop markedly.

Well, Popeye is fighting back and hopes to see a canned spinach revival and is doing his part on promoting Popeye Spinach as a healthy and sensible alternative to ... well, E. coli-laden fresh spinach.. In between appearances on Leno, Oprah, The View, Live with Regis and Kelly and The Daily Show where Jon Stewart has criticized Bush's policy on fresh and bagged spinach, I caught up with our favorite pipe whistler to get his take on this two-bit football league. It's not as satisfying as punching Bluto or any offensive lineman across the football field but it's pretty darn close!

First, the standings after Week 2:

Rk  Team                   W-L  Total    Avg  Strk
 1  I Pick Donte' Again    2-0  176.54  88.27   W2
 2  Cambridge Gooners FC   2-0  148.02  74.01   W2
 3  www.HughHewitt.com     2-0  115.06  57.53   W2
 4  SBXL Champs            1-1  177.44  88.72   W1
 5  Ram Tuff part 2        1-1  168.41  84.21   L1
 6  Dan                    1-1  158.49  79.25   L1
 7  Woodchucks             1-1  133.51  66.76   W1
 8  Ophir Gophirs          1-1  131.98  67.99   W1
 9  Blue                   1-1  127.25  63.63   L1
10  Brown Town Blues       0-2  123.65  61.83   L2
11  Flying pigskins        0-2  121.43  60.72   L2
12  the Jungernaut         0-2   87.59  43.80   L2

Woodchucks (1-1) 77.60 - The Jungernaut (0-2) 43.85

The thing with Yahoo's projections is that sometimes they're close but most of the time, they ain't. Fortunately for Woodchucks, their point total was almost right on Yahoo's 78.71 point projection. Unfortunately for The Jungernaut, Yahoo was a wee bit off their 64.32 estimate.

Woodchucks' Shaun Alexander is now only 26 touchdowns behind his single season record and Deuce McAllister scored twice to more than makeup for the poor game by Jake Delhomme and the injury to Terrell Owens. Lee was a little disappointed in Owens' injury but happy to gain some certainty in dealing with his mercurial superstar. "At least I know he's out for awhile," Lee said after the game. "We've got the straitjacket and the duct tape ready so that he'll be under surveillance the whole time and so he won't say anything stupid. We'll be in good shape." Indeed, Woodchucks is rather stacked at receiver with Owens, Anquan Boldin, Terry Glenn and Laveranues Coles.

Meanwhile, the Jungernaut felt the wrath of the fantasy football gods by publicly calling out the Yahoo Projection system. Only Torry Holt contributed a touchdown and the Tampa Bay defensive total would've looked a lot worse if Atlanta kicker Michael Koenen hadn't gone 0-4 from the field. "I really thought with Damon Huard at QB, we'd be set for a big game," Jungernaut coach Byron J lamented. "I mean, before last week, he hadn't thrown a TD pass since Clinton was president. So he was due!"

Popeye was comparing Byron's plight of being separated from starting quarterback Trent Green with being separated from spinach during dire occasions. "Green is the colors of spinach," Popeye laughed with his signature "a-ga-ga-ga-ga" laugh. Reminds mes of the times when I was climbins the Alps with me Olive when Bluto followed me arounds. Olive was alls jealous of mes when I tried to keep Bluto away. Finally, Bluto grabs Olive, belts mes into a snowbank but a St. Bernard give me his barrel. But insides the barrel was spinach. Then I busteds Bluto into the sides of a mountain! So you never know where help will come from, a-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga! Maybes Huard will throws three touchdowns next week!"

SBXL Champs (1-1) 89.33 - Brown Town Blues (0-2) 78.77

Despite a marked improvement over last week's form, Brown Town Blues, remained winless as SBXL Champs manage to better their impressive but insufficient point total from Week 1 in a battle of Shark Tank newcomers.

After all the bellyaching about his running backs and rookies and passing touchdowns being only worth three points and injured wideouts (am I missing anything?), Coach David L is savoring his first ever win. Peyton Manning threw for 400 yards and three touchdowns, and Antonio Bryant and Frank Gore, the best 49ers WR/RB combo since Jerry Rice and Roger Craig (or maybe Brandon Lloyd and Kevan Barlow), each scored and surpassed 100 yards. Rookie receiver Marcus Colston and former UCLA star Drew Bennett made it three touchdowns from wide receivers without the likes of injured Steve Smith and T.J. Houshmandzadeh.

But does the bellyaching stop…. oooohhhh no. "My receivers are terrible," said David. "I can't believe Smith and Housh… Housh… how do you pronounce his name? Whatever. They're terrible. At least say you're out before it become a game-time decision. It's not like I can get out of service to make changes. Three touchdowns and three 100-yard games in two weeks don't mean they're good. And Manning is going to need to throw 50 touchdowns to make my first round pick worth it."

For BTB, good performances by Donald Driver and Darrell Jackson and a solid overall effort went for naught. Rookie Coach Bing Y was diplomatic and hopeful in defeat. "We scored 77 points this week after only 44 last week," said Bing. "If we improve by 75% each week, we'll score 135 points next week and by Week 16, we'll score 195,000 points! So there's definitely room for improvement."

Popeye said new coaches shouldn't be overly critical of their expansion teams. "Look, I was always confidents in meself," Popeye said. "I know it's intimidating fightins the big boyses. But all of you saw how I did! When I was againsts the big guys likes Bluto, Tarzan, Hercules, tribesmens and aliens, I had mes spinach and I won! But I had lots of troubles with Swee'pea and mouses and little animalses because me spinach didn't helps me. Hey! It's almost like God is our spinach! Why didn't I eat me spinach earlier?"

I Pick Donte' Again (2-0) 95.72 - Dan (1-1) 83.67

Michael Vick ran for 127 yards, scored running and threw a touchdown pass and the Baltimore defense pasted the hapless Oakland offense as IPDA ran their record to 2-0 over Dan L's Dan. The defense recorded six sacks, had six takeaways, a safety and allowed only six points. Shark Tank owners are quickly ruffling through the league schedule to snatch Raider opponents' defenses weeks in advance.

IPDA Coach Brent L was keen to reverse the problems he had at the start of 2005. "My team stunk so bad at the beginning that we had to work so hard to catch up," Brent said. "This year, I'm a better (i.e. more efficient) father so I'm better prepared. keep fantasy football a priority while keeping one eye on the family. I'm in a good place right now."

Team Dan got large efforts from Rudi Johnson (148 total yards, two touchdowns), Plaxico Burress (114 yards and a score) and rookie Joseph Addai (82 yards and a score) but also received uneven performances from others.

But Dan wasn't really into talking about the game. After watching HughHewitt.com make 22 transactions in two weeks, he was longing for days gone by. "I remember back in the day when we had only eight transactions the whole year," said Dan. "And you could only replace a guy when he went on IR. Remember those days when we'd have more red letters [IR, O, Q, D] next to our players' names than red-letter days on a calendar of Sundays? That's what football is supposed to be about. I got better things to do than sit in front of my computer all week. I mean, when I'm not working. Or maybe even when I am."

Popeye empathized with Len's thoughts on days gone by. "I remembers when it was just me, Looney Toons, Tom and Jerry and Woody Woodpecker cartoons. Now all these cartoonses are from Japan or something and they all looks funny. Well, now all these new things like bad spinach are makin' mes mad! That's all I can stands and I can't stands no more!"

Ophir Gophirs (1-1) 78.36 - Flying Pigskins (0-2) 69.12

Unfortunately, I missed the draft and our annual, juvenile but still funny, Amani "IT'S NOT A" Toomer joke. Maybe next year. But Toomer's performance in Week 2 was no laughing matter to the Flying Pigskins as he had 137 yards receiving and two touchdowns to pace the Gophirs to their first win of the season. Pigskins narrowed a 30-point deficit after Sunday's action but despite a shutout by the Jacksonville defense, they fill a little bit short.

Like FC Barcelona and Olympiakos in Greece, Ophir Gophirs FC is actually a multi-million dollar multi-fantasy sports operation. And right now, football is taking a back seat according to Coach, CEO and Chairman Rob C. "We've got a chance to add some more silverware as we're going for our second baseball title in three years. Who cares about football? We'll worry about it next week. And then we'll worry about basketball season." When asked about expansion plans, Rob remarked, "Well, we tried to expand into hockey, NASCAR and English Premiership soccer but those didn't go as well as baseball, basketball and football have. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses."

Guest commentator, a hungry J. Wellington Wimpy happened by agreeing with Rob's philosophy. "Why worry about tomorrow when you can get what you want today? By the way, I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." Rob gave Wimpy some Y-Not gift certificates that he received as part of a Gophirs sponsorship deal to go away.

Unlike most fantasy owners who are ornery and grumpy (okay, just yours truly), Pigskins Coach Kalvin S is a refreshing combination of professionalism and optimism. And despite being 0-2, Kal still expects great things from the Pigskins. "We've got a good team. Don't worry - I'll be around to annoy you all in the playoffs."

Popeye has faced plenty of annoyances in his career. "Well, blow me down! I remembers when I was wrapped up like a mummy and shot me with a cannon into the Sphinx after Bluto pretended he was a sheik and tried to kiss my Olive Oyl. But those Egyptianses think of everything! There was a can of spinach buried there! And so even when things are down, there's always hope! I'll take you alls on one at a time!!!"

www.HughHewitt.com 67.81 (2-0) - Blue (1-1) 64.68

Has anyone else wondered what exactly is at www.HughHewitt.com? I haven't. Anyway, controversy reigned supreme and continues to shadow HH.com. Beyond the growing waiver wire scandal that threatens to tear apart the league, now comes word that HH.com failed insert a rookie in a timely fashion into his Week 2 lineup throwing the score into complete disarray. Well, at least I'm not the Commish and have to clean it up. It's good to be retired!

Turns out that a retroactive move was made to insert rookie LenDale White into the lineup at the expense of Jamal Lewis. Barring further appeal, that was still enough to give HH.com a narrow victory over Blue.

Jerricho Cotchery had 121 yards receiving and a touchdown while Brian Westbrook netted 124 combined yards from scrimmage and a score. Carson Palmer had another double digit performance even though his backup, the emerging Rex Grossman, nearly doubled his point total.

Speaking of emerging, Eli Manning threw for 371 yards and three touchdowns and LaDainian Tomlinson scored twice and had 122 yards. But Blue got little help from elsewhere to drop their first game of 2006.

HH.com Coach Warren C was contrite afterwards. "My bad," was all Warren had to say. "But check out these teeth! Thanks for the referrals! I kept going into different dentist offices in this medical plaza and I must have filled in ten new patient forms. But each time, I just ended up leaving because I asked how many cleanings and fillings they've done in the last year and most dentists I saw were struggling, especially recently. Finally, I found one that did eight fillings on one patient in one day. Throw in an endodontist that did a couple root canals and I was sold! That's the one I wanted to go to. Unfortunately, I got there too late and now I have to wait until next week to get that root canal because they had already started and couldn't squeeze me in."

However, on the other side, Blue Skipper Willie W was threatening legal action but then decided against it. "This is a fantasy football league. It's supposed to be fun. I don't need to think about work when I'm talking about football. My budget for participating in this league was zero. I can't even afford to retain myself."

Popeye applauded Warren's conciliatory tone in acknowledging his non-malicious error. "Sometimes, things don't works out. But there's always a can of spinach availables if ya needs it. And besides, why buy fresh spinach? You haves to washs it 10 times before alls the dirts comes off. And you should washs the baggeds spinach too! And have you ever trieds the frozens spinach? With the canned spinach, it's like Cheez Whiz: squeeze and eat like I do!

"And remember we all makes mistakes! 'I yam what I yam and it's all that I yam!' But buy spinach, not yams."

Cambridge Gooners FC (2-0) 77.90 - Ram Tuff Part 2 (1-1) 72.29

The defending Shark Tank Bowl champs, Cambridge Gooners FC, continued their win streak to six over two seasons as they edged Ram Tuff part deux behind a well-balanced attack. Corey Dillon and Andre Johnson each found the end zone on offense while Gooners received solid efforts from their defense and kicker Shayne Graham.

On an editorial note, typing in "Cambridge Gooners FC" is too wordy each time. Like any football team, they need a nickname. So think of any suggestions because I don't want to type it in each time. Plus, it sounds cooler in write-ups. Otherwise, I'm just going to use "Gooners" but then that sounds like Gunners. And I know you're not an Arsenal fan. At least you weren't before. When will Leeds United make it back to the top flight, Andy? Oh so close last year!

When asked about this, Coach Andy J said, "We'll talk to our supporters this week and try to come up with something. It's important that we find a nickname and song that truly represents the heritage and history of excellence that is Cambridge Gooners FC. Now that our new stadium is an all-seater, our supporters won't be crushing each other like in the old days. Maybe we'll just sing 'God Save the Queen' before every home game. Or sing some song about how someone on our opponent is fat and round. But looking at David's team next week, they all look pretty fit."

Ram Tuff continue to benefit from the revitalized, reenergized and resoupified Donovan McNabb who threw for 350 yards and two touchdowns. And while the duo of Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne combined for 262 receiving yards, neither scored which proved to be the difference. And why am I not surprised that Coach Aaron L has either Jason Elam or Jeff Wilkins as his kicker for the gazillionth year in a row? Elam chipped in with three field goals. The Pittsburgh defense tried to finish off a furious rally on Monday night but fell just short.

Len was too preoccupied with the HH.com rookie scandal. "All I got when I went to work on Sunday morning at 11:00 a.m. was everyone running looking for me saying that Warren didn't play a rookie. And then it continued as I was trying to enjoy a nice dinner with my wife and 25 of our closest friends. It just wouldn't stop. So I thought about just killing Warren but decided that may have been a little extreme. But I was tossing and turning all night on Monday figuring out what to do. We're like the Pac-10 and their referees. Maybe I'll just suspend Warren for next week but I can't change the result. Let's just hope our league moves forward despite the mistakes."

But the buzz around the Shark Tank water cooler was one of the most amazing finishes to a baseball game that has ever been witnessed. Aaron added, "I was also revved up from that Dodger game. Who cares about football? Hey Alex [Y] - how 'bout them Padres?"

Popeye lauded the continued excellence of the defending champion Gooners as they look great after two weeks. He also praised the comeback of those gritty Dodgers. They must have eaten their spinach just befores the bottoms of the ninth. Remember, 'I'm strong to the finich 'cuz I eat me spinach, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!" (toot toot!)